THE
HISTORY
OF
ROGER.

Roger was born of honest parents in Yorkshire, and very well to pass, who gave him a good education; and tho’ he had no liking to any of the professions, yet was not without his share of the greek and latin; from which he got this advantage, that he could spell better than most farmers in the parish, and knew the signification of words, as well as if he had been bred at Cambridge, and turn’d out master of arts. He seemed to have no design of pushing his fortune in the wide[Pg 6] world; but sat down early on his own farm, followed husbandry, and improving a headland or two he had near him, which were quite run out of heart by the slovenly management of his ancestors, who had, most of them, too much wit to mind their business, and let things run to wreck strangely.

Roger looked into every thing himself, ditched, fenced, and limed, but never burn’d his land, and soon grew a topping farmer.

There was a cousin of his, who had a power of special farms in the West-riding, great royalties, and stately woods. Roger prevailed on him to put the management of them into his hands; and he not only preserved and enlarged them, but made the family interest better than ever it was. This got Roger great credit in his own parish, and all the manor about him; they began to find out he was a prudent, managing man; and resorted to him for advice at vestries, leets, and quarter-sessions. Whoever he recommended for overseers, waywardens, headboroughs, or the like, were sure to be chosen, and always behaved honestly.

In the mean time, he followed his farming, and kept a warm house in the old-fashion’d way; and seldom stirred[Pg 7] abroad, unless to make up differences among neighbours, or to meet the hundred for applotting the land-tax; and by his good will would never have gone farther, or meddled out of the parish and manor, if the neighbours had let him sit still. But it happened, at this time, that Slyboots, the Secretary, got a commission to be Lord-lieutenant of the county; and besides arraying the militia, came with a power (as all the county believed) to get new taxes laid on at the sessions, and double the county charges. The neighbours, one and all, entreated Roger to go to the county town, and oppose those new rates. Tho’ he thought there was no such design, yet he chearfully went, and very plainly told the governor his mind in private, and warned him of trying what he could never compass. Now, whether it was that Slyboots had no projects in his head of that kind, or found he could not bring them to bear, certain it is he did no hurt to the county, and has ever since appeared to be an honest man. But what alarmed them was his character for sense, and cunning, and politicks. And, to be sure, they were not out in their notion of him; for he could bambouzle Old-nick himself, if he sat about it, and make him do journey-work; much more could he[Pg 8] outwit the poor country folks, which makes me believe he never set about it in earnest. It is impossible else he could have missed it; for he could out-drink, out-talk, out-joke every man in the province, and could make a fool, at any time, of the best Norfolk Attorney, if he would let him parly with him. Besides, he was, at all times, so good-humoured and free, and pushed his bottle so joviously among his acquaintance, that it was beyond the power of honest men to resist or refuse him any thing. The whole secret of his behaviour in Yorkshire was, that old Suck-fist, who governed every thing at court, wanted a pretence to ruin him, as he found Slyboots too hard for him, and too smoaky to be bantered. Now, says Suck-fist to himself, if he does things beyond his commission, the county will complain of him, and I’ll back them; if he be negligent in doing his business, I’ll get him turn’d off. But Slyboots cunningly put the business on a couple of mooncalves, Balaam the Parson, and Numps the Seneschal, who he knew could do nothing, and then laid the blame on them; and, in his merry moods, would compare himself to a famous rope-dancer, then in town, who walked the slack-rope with two lubberly porters tyed to her heels.

[Pg 9]

But, whatever were Slyboots’s intentions, he could make no hand of Roger, who drank with him, laughed with him, shook hands and parted for the country, where he took to his old way of living, and said nothing of the matter; for tho’ Roger has often prevented things being done that would bear hard on the farmers, yet he never vapoured, or bounced, or took on him, which was so much the worse for him; for the less he said of himself, the more others talked, and agreed, one and all, that he was the only man to serve them on occasion, as well in the county at large, as in the parish.

It happened the headborough, who had been chosen many years successively to that place, died, and every body’s eyes were on Roger to succeed him. The east and west-ridings would hear of nobody else, ’till Roger honestly told them, there was a farmer in the north-riding who could serve them better than he, at that time, and would do all he could to have him into the place; and he was chosen without opposition, but in a little time died too. Then Roger had no excuse, and took the office briskly upon himself, tho’ his improvements at the farm must stop, and he knew he should have but little pocket-money out of the place, after[Pg 10] buying new cloaths, and treating the constables every quarter-session.

Slyboots was now gone out of the county, and the next who came into the commission had a different character, and told them positively, at the meeting of the session, he wanted nothing, and only desired they would take care of themselves. No body ever doubted his word; but, however, Roger thought there was no hurt in keeping a good luck out, and well he did so; for some people had taken in their heads, that the county was harrassed by quarter-sessions, and it would be a great easement to have no more, but agree then what rates should be paid every year, and let the people stay at home, and mind their plowing and sowing. This contrivance was ingenious enough, and many of the justices were for it; but the de—l a bitt could they answer some objections. Suppose, says one, the County Treasurer should squander the money, who will call him to account? If the constables don’t do their duty, who will fine them? If the army moroded, built sconces, kicked the neighbours, ruined the game, where should they be tyed? To all which questions, and a thousand more, there was but this answer: That the county governors would always be honest men; that the county treasurer[Pg 11] would scorn to pocket their money; the constables should be the best sort of people in the world; and the soldiers as quiet as so many lambs. Almost half the justices closed with these reasons; but Roger and his friends thought it possible, that once in an age there might be a crook-finger’d treasurer, a knavish constable, or a swaggering captain, and of the two, were rather of opinion the experiment ought not to be made, and so outvoted the justices who were for it. No body charged the governor with having a hand in this, or tampering with the justices, tho’ it was thought he could not have misliked it, as it would have saved him a world of trouble. The same people, a little while after, observed how unwholesome the fashion was of wearing woollen cloaths, that linen coats were much better, and would come cheaper, as that manufacture was in plenty all over the north; and wanted a rule to be made, that the exciseman should cutt the skirts off every coat made of wool, and the boys have liberty to squirt the kennel on them, as they do now on callicoes and cambricks; but Roger seldom changed the fashion of his cloaths, and told the projectors it would certainly throw the whole county into agues, and bring such fits on them as all the powder in Mexico could never cure:[Pg 12] So that project was never mentioned more; and, from that time, Roger had so gained the good opinion of the justices, that for some years, all whims and projects seemed to be at an end, as they found he would never give into them. But all the while Roger’s credit with the justices was looked on with an evil eye, by many of the top men in the county, as well as neighbours in his own parish, who were trying under-hand to lessen it; but the first who set up openly against him was Nim, the corporal. He was a cunning shaver, and a notable Jack at all trades. He was first a foot Soldier, and a good duty-man, only he would play cards too often on guard. He was always at putt and all fours, got most of his Comrade’s pay, and, in the end, stripped all his acquaintance. He was on the point of getting a halbert when he quitted the army. He married a rich widow; then another rich widow. He got by selling, got by buying, and every way money flowed in a-pace. He had lately bought a fine farm from Roger’s cousin, and almost bounded him. With this encrease of interest, he thought himself big enough to attack Roger in his head quarters. Besides, he had concerns in other counties, monies in bank, and was twice the better man, as we say. He was moreover one of the quorum.[Pg 13] He had a son, who was sent to see the world early, and learn fashions, and a clever person of a man he was, and a beau among the play-houses and dancing-schools. Nim laid a design to aggrandize his family, by marrying him to a daughter of the new deputy, who was quite a different kind of man either than Slyboots, or the last deputy; he seemed to desire nothing but peace and plenty, and was as plain and downright as any ordinary Gaffer; his friends would fain have him take state upon him, but he could not away with it. Nim brushed up to him, told him how many farms he had; how many tenants; what an interest he had among the justices; that if he would let him manage his affairs he might walk the fields from morning to night, and not trouble himself with business. He liked the proposal, (for he hated gaffing and disputing) and closed Nim’s request to marry his daughter to his son and heir. Nim was now sure he had the game in his hand, and resolved to take the first opportunity to have a tryal of skill with Roger. It happened one of the Verdurer’s died in the East-riding, and another must be chosen to keep the king’s game. Tho’ Roger’s interest was less in that Riding than in the two other, yet he would not let his bone go without a snap or[Pg 14] two. Nim told the deputy there should be no struggle, that not one of the pack would venture to shew his teeth against him, that he would carry it off with a Tally-hoh. Roger laugh’d in his sleeve, and knew he had the better interest, (tho’ he did not chuse to talk in dog-language) and very quietly put his own man in the verdurer’s place. This was a deadly blow to Nim; he saw the substantial farmers were for Roger. If he could’n’t carry his point in his own royalty and Riding, what must he do in other parts? So he resolved to join with Roger ’till a better time offered, and indeed was quite desperate when he came to terms. It was not long ’till an accident fell out that revived his hopes; it happened, critically, that the parson of the minster died by a surfeit of pork; it was a main good parish, with a swinging glebe; he had prebends, and petty canons in his disposal, could rule the vestry, recommend overseers, and govern quite down to curates, clerks and sextons; which, with his power of benediction, made him altogether one of the top men in the county. Nim resolved to avail himself of this opportunity, and recommend one to the deputy, to come in the place of old Trulliber, who should join him against Roger.

[Pg 15]

There was a young curate lately come into the neighbourhood, a great crony of Nim’s family, and well liked by every body else. He was sprightly, generous and good natured; a good scholar, and a good preacher for a young man; but, above all, had so taking, modest a behaviour, that every one who saw him became his friend, or, at least, was wise enough to dissemble his dislike. All wheels were set a going to make him parson of the minster; and to say justice, the young man was not idle in doing for himself. He came in with universal applause, tho’ one of his years had never been in that place before. Roger was glad of his preferment, and whenever the parish met at vestry, or the hundred, to applot the land-tax, shew’d him great civility and compliments, which the parish observing, encreased their respect for the parson; and the few who were disatisfied with his advancement changed their note; his youth was now no longer an objection; it was an happiness to have an active young man among them, instead of an old mumpsimus, to sleep all sermon time, or an old pig-doctor, who had no learning but a receipt for curing the meazles: And, for a good while, he gave general satisfaction, till bad company was the spoil of him, and[Pg 16] by degrees led him into projects he never thought to meddle with in the beginning.

Ambition, as well as a law-suit, may be compared to a wire-mill; if it get you by the finger, it draws in your whole body; or, ambition grows on men as they advance higher, as on going up a hill, every step enlarges the prospect: But whether it was his own ambition, or only friendship for ambitious men, it is fact he plunged over head and ears, and did not look how he leaped.

Nim had a brave boy for his second son, a buck and a buffer. He was a great favourite of the old corporal, who spared nothing to make a man of him, and got him another daughter of the deputy for a wife, and a tight wench she was; but it was no easy matter to bring young Hopeful to take a liking for business; foot-ball and prison-bars were his delight. He could never be sober for the blood of him, or orderly, or rest a moment in a place; if he went to sermon, he was every turn whistling or kicking his heels, and the curate said he would never come to good. But Nim was resolved to have him a man of business, and got him put into his own place, which was surveyor of the excise; and indeed it was time for Nim to quit, as, either from carelessness or having his[Pg 17] ink too thick, he was very apt to leave blots in his book. Well, a surveyor was young Hopeful, and did well enough; his carriage was more stay’d, and he looked sometimes (especially in company with the excisemen) as if he was thinking; but when a holyday came he was as gamesom as ever, and he contrived to make more holydays than are marked in the almanack, having bought (for that purpose) a new prayer-book, with births, martyrdoms, massacres and coronations, all put together along with saints, male and female, blacks and whites, he religiously observed them all, and would have honoured, willingly, a hundred more; such a regard had he for the holy church.

Nim now thought it was time to push himself forward, and, forgetting his agreement with Roger, set all hands to work. The Parson was his fast friend. Hopeful was now a man of enterprize, and, if holydays did not come thick, could stick to business. Nim’s first scheme was to have him made chairman at the quarter-session, as that would make him popular among the justices; and, if they had a majority of the justices, they could do any business the deputy had a mind, and so Roger might be laid by. They worked cunning enough for a while. Nim, with[Pg 18] his son and heir Hopeful, and his comrades, were all court and compliment to Roger, cryed him up in all companies; but, under-hand, were setting the Parson against him, and engaged to the Parson, that he should rule the roast, in a little time, instead of Roger, and have all the farmers and yeomanry on his side; tho’ they meant nothing less than his interest; for indeed it was impossible he could be bettered by any interest, or get any more preferment; but they thought it politick to let him appear to be the principal. Roger got an inkling of their design, but resolved they should shew themselves a little more before he set about to shew them. They were watching all opportunities to get new friends among the justices, and try’d to get one of the King’s boatmen into the commission. They pushed him on, and assisted him with might and main; and all the while were writing, and cursing, and swearing to Roger, they were against him; and that if Roger did not like to have him on the bench, they would soon put a spoke in his wheel, and stop his driving. Roger thanked them, but thought himself as good a workman as any of them, and put the spoke into the wheel without standing to their curtesy; so the boatman went back to his station. Roger now had a clear view of[Pg 19] every thing they intended, and how they put off matters to a more lucky time. Roger had few tricks in him; but was not to be caught with chaff. Moreover, he had used some times to set traps in the meadows to catch the old foxes, and thought it might be easy to snap the cubs.

Nim’s party, for he appeared but little in it himself, were all youngsters, and made a kind of privy-council for the Parson. There was, imprimis, young Hopeful; Jack the attorney, just out his time; Dick the clerk in the excise-office: But their chief strength was ancient Pistol, lately come from the wars, and content, while the peace lasted, to doff his sword and jack-boots for the more gainful employment of a scrivener; and to do the blade justice, he wrote a main good hand, and was a fair spoken lad as you would hear in a hundred; but he was deadly fond of pitch’d battles, with as little luck as they had in Flanders, and seemed to have less skill in a home war than a foreign one, where he behaved as well as any of them. Roger saw them in high spirits, and soon gave them an opportunity of exerting them.

Gimcrack, one of their cronies, had been put in by the deputy to oversee the bridges in the county, repair market-houses and hospitals, (tho’ not the session-house) and[Pg 20] was allowed handsomely for his trouble. Now, it was Gimcrack’s misfortune, not to know the difference between a cube and arch, a skylight and a Venetian, and other things of little consequence in masonry; but the material part of the mystery he understood to a root. If he repaired a bridge, he charged double; if he did not repair it, quadruple; if there was no bridge, sixteen; and so, all in geometrical proportions, that he might not go out of rule. When he brought his bill before the grand-jury, Hopeful wondered how he could work so cheap; Pistol moved he might have the thanks of the county for his parsimonious management of the publick money, ten pounds of which he saved them to demonstration; for in one bill he charged twenty, and in another only ten pounds. But when Roger looked on the dates, he found the last bill was twenty, which seemed to him to overturn the demonstration; and, for the little he knew of arithmetick, thought it looked more like addition than substraction. But Gimcrack’s friends made light of these remarks, clapped him on the back, and swore they would bear him harmless.

And here they fairly threw off all reserve, bit the nail, and turned the heel on Roger; and a thousand stories they[Pg 21] told of him and his friends to the deputy. First, Roger had no interest at all; then he had so much that he was dangerous; then Gimcrack was the best bridge-builder in the world; Roger was for having every bridge and market-house in the county fall to decay, from the desire he had to see the county ruined, and the people sink or swim for his diversion. The Deputy, who was really a good-natured man, pity’d the poor people, and joined to take them out of Roger’s hands; he spoke to his acquaintance of the grand-jury; and tho’ he did not reflect on Roger, yet he mainly magnify’d the Parson, and wished they would take any directions he should send them, as he could not go among them himself, which, he said, and Pistol swore, should be for their good. So, on both sides, they mustered their forces, and Roger, on the poll, had just two in three of his side, and Gimcrack went to pot.

This was a cruel blow, but chiefly bore hard on young Hopeful; if ever he had a chance for the chair at quarter-sessions, it was now over; the whole county saw the design on both sides. The Parson and Hopeful wanted to rule the county, who, for aught we know, might do it well; but we were sure Roger had done so. He wanted nothing, and asked nothing[Pg 22] for himself; one of his sons got a second-hand pair of red breeches and white stockings, which he paid more for than if he had bought them in Monmouth-street. He got a friend of his made an exciseman; but when he asked for a constable’s place he was refused. However, he went on in the old track, and Hopeful and the Parson redoubled their efforts to oust him. One plot they laid upon another, and trick upon trick. Pistol (who was pretty much a stranger) wondered none of them succeeded; but they wanted somebody to tell them, that tho’ tricks may get the better of a trickster, they are lost and squandered on one who has no tricks. If a man takes to corners, or short turns, you may meet him on a short turn, or find him in a corner; but how the D——l will you catch him if he never comes there? Roger walked the turnpike and the middle stone of the street. Hopeful, Pistol, and the Parson, were all peeping to watch him. Now, says Hopeful, he’ll come down this bye turn. Here, says the Parson, down this alley, as it’s the nearest way. Pistol was sure of him at the turn-stile. But Roger had found, by constant walking, that farthest about was the ready way home. When they saw him fairly passed, they looked at one another like a sett of rooks,[Pg 23] who have lost their money to a fair gamester; and since they could not take him in, or make any thing of the game they first took in hand, they began to attack his friends and cronies. One had a little allowance from the county for something he had done; another, perhaps, for something he had not done; a third, in consideration of his father’s having been willing to do some service to the county, if he had happened to have ever been in it; and the like gratifications were bestowed on many, but not by Roger’s recommendation. He got indeed a small pittance for Treat-all, which just served to buy him a few Ortolans, and a little canary wine. All these they cashiered to vex Roger; whereas he cared not, for any matter of profit he had, if they took his own places away. Upon their being convinced of Roger’s resolution in these and sundry other points, they put his friends on the list again, and turned their whole resentment on the exciseman, who had talked briskly in all companies on Roger’s behalf. Besides, the surveyors did not rightly like him. All the brewers of the parish hated him into the bargain, because he kept them tight, and made them drink as they brewed; but the former exciseman[Pg 24] they adored, and a good man he was; they might brew three times a week for him; and yet look over his book for a month it was all silent. Now and then, on an office day, he might condemn a barrel of small beer for example.

But to draw to an end of this first part of the history. Roger has more interest than ever; the Parson seems to have done; Nim has retired into the country; Hopeful may look after his surveying, and play foot-ball on holydays; Pistol is gone back to change his cloaths, and exercise his men. And now they are all parted, we may hope for peace and quietness ’till next Quarter-session.

FINIS.