The Project Gutenberg eBook of That Awful Letter: A Comedy for Girls This ebook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this ebook or online at www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this eBook. Title: That Awful Letter: A Comedy for Girls Author: Edna I. MacKenzie Release date: August 16, 2016 [eBook #52818] Most recently updated: October 23, 2024 Language: English Credits: Produced by Emmy, MFR and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net *** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THAT AWFUL LETTER: A COMEDY FOR GIRLS *** [Transcriber's Note: Bold text is surrounded by =equal signs= and italic text is surrounded by _underscores_.] Price 25 Cents PAINE’S POPULAR PLAYS That Awful Letter Mac KENZIE PAINE PUBLISHING CO. DAYTON, OHIO NO PLAYS EXCHANGED New Entertainment Songs By Edna Randolph Worrell. These songs can be used in all manner of entertainments. The music is easy, and both music and words are especially catchy. Children like them. Everybody likes them. Sheet music. Price 25 cents each. Five copies, $1.00. =WE HOPE YOU’VE BROUGHT YOUR SMILES ALONG.= A welcome song that will at once put the audience in a joyous frame of mind and create a happy impression that will mean half the success of your entire program. Words, bright and inspiring. Music, catchy. =WE’LL NOW HAVE TO SAY GOOD-BYE.= This beautiful song has snap and go that will appeal alike to visitors and singers. It is just the song to send your audience home with happy memories of the occasion. =WE’VE JUST ARRIVED FROM BASHFUL TOWN.= This song will bring memories to the listeners of their own bashful school days. Words, unusually clever. Music, decidedly melodious. A capital welcome song, or it may be sung at any time on the program with assured success. =MY OWN AMERICA, I LOVE THEE.= A song that will bring a thrill of patriotism to the heart of every one who hears it. The children and grown-ups just can’t resist the catchy music. It makes a capital marching song. =COME AND PARTAKE OF OUR WELCOME CAKE.= A merry welcome song and a jolly one, too. The audience will be immediately curious about the Welcome Cake, and the children will love to surprise the listeners with the catchy words. Music, easy and tuneful. =LULLABY LANE.= The music and words blend so beautifully that people will be humming the appealing strains long after they hear this charming song. A wonderfully effective closing song, whether sung by the school or as a solo by a little girl, with a chorus of other little girls with dolls. =JOLLY PICKANINNIES.= Words by Elizabeth F. Guptill. Music by Edna R. Worrell. This spicy coon song will bring down the house, especially if you use the directions for the motions which accompany the music. The black faces and shining eyes of the pickaninnies will guarantee a hit. The words are great and the music just right. =THE LITTLE BIRD’S SECRET.= Here is just the song for those two little folks to sing together. They won’t have to be coaxed to sing it, especially when they find that the whole school is to whistle the chorus. This is a decided novelty, and will prove a rare treat to your audience. =A GARDEN ROMANCE.= This is a dainty little song telling of the romance and wedding of Marigold and Sweet William. It is just the song for dainty little girls to sing. =COME TO THE NURSERY RHYME GARDEN AND PLAY.= Here is something different for the little folks to sing. The Nursery Rhyme Folk are so familiar to children, it will be no trick for them to remember the words. The music has a most captivating swing. Paine Publishing Company - - Dayton, Ohio That Awful Letter _A Comedy for Girls_ BY EDNA I. MAC KENZIE Copyright, 1919, by PAINE PUBLISHING COMPANY PAINE PUBLISHING COMPANY DAYTON, OHIO THAT AWFUL LETTER CHARACTERS MARGARET NEILSON—A Snobbish City Girl. ELIZABETH NORTON—Her Country Cousin. HELEN MONTGOMERY—Margaret’s Dearest Friend. EDITH BROWNING—A Friend of Elizabeth’s. NORA—A Maid of Neilson’s (This part may be taken by Edith Browning.) TIME OF PLAYING—_About Forty Minutes._ SCENE I (_Sitting-room in Neilson’s house, well furnished. Margaret overdressed, is sitting reading a magazine. She looks up impatiently and throws it down in disgust._) MARGARET—(_crossly._) There’s no use in my trying to read or do anything else when I’m so provoked. I don’t see why dad can’t (_the bell rings_) Oh, drat that bell! I don’t want to see any person. I wish people would stay at home. (_Goes and looks out._) Oh! it’s Helen! I wonder what she wants now. She is always running over and I’m sure I’m never over there any more than four times a day at the most. (_Helen comes in and Margaret rushes to embrace her._) Oh Helen, you dear girl! I’m so glad to see you. I was just wishing you would come over. Do take off your hat and stay awhile. I’ve just been so mad I could boil over or bite somebody or do something awful. HELEN—Why, what is the matter with you? What are you mad about? (_Aside, It seems to me she is always in hot water or a stew about something._) MARGARET—Well, sit down and I’ll tell you about it. (_They sit down on a couch._) It seems that dad has some country relations somewhere in the backwoods. He’s had them ever since he was born but he’s just remembering them now. Well, it seems that there’s a girl about my age and dad was looking over some old photos last night and came across one of her when she was six years old. That picture put him into the notion that he would like to see that girl and nothing will do but I must write and ask her up. HELEN—That won’t hurt you, will it? I think it would be nice to have a girl visiting you. I know when Marian Staddon was visiting me, we had a dandy time—parties, dances, and heaps of things. MARGARET—Yes, but can’t you get anything into your head? This is a cousin from the _backwoods_ and just imagine the kind of figure she’d cut in our set! Why, she’ll likely have the oddest clothes and speak most horrible English and, and—not know beans. And then that would spoil all our plans for getting in with Edith Browning. The Brownings, you know, are such an aristocratic family and are the whole cheese since they moved to the city. I’m just crazy to get in with them, but of course if they saw me with that girl, that would spoil everything. Edith would know that my father had sprung from common ordinary farmers and we have just succeeded in making people think we had very important ancestors. HELEN—(_aside_) Gee! but isn’t she some snob. Well, nobody is deceived I can vouch for that. (_aloud._) I know Edith Browning is the whole thing just at present. I’ve met her several times and think she is lovely, (_pause_) not a bit stuck up, you know. Of course we want to get in with her, especially this winter when Beth Norton is going to visit her, for everybody will be having parties and things for her. MARGARET—And pray, who is Beth Norton? HELEN—Don’t you know? Why, she is the girl that all the girls at Erskine College were just crazy about. Why, they say there’s never been a girl there before who was as popular. And act! Why, she took the chief parts in all their plays and the girls said she had any professional actress beaten all to pieces. Oh yes, we must manage to get in with them if we can. Now about your cousin, say, why can’t you have her up for just a couple of days and keep her out of the way? MARGARET—Dad is bound that I’ll invite her up for two weeks anyway. I can generally manage him pretty well, but this time he’s as obstinate as a mule. I’m glad I didn’t inherit his bad qualities. HELEN—(_aside_) I think she has all of his and some of her own to boot, (_aloud_) I have an idea. Write her such a letter that if she has any sense at all she’ll know she’s not wanted and then perhaps she won’t come. MARGARET—(_jumping up_) That _is_ a good idea! Let’s write it now. What shall we put into it? (_goes to a table where there is paper and ink, sits down to write_) HELEN—(_going to the table_) Tell her that,—oh, I don’t know. You ought to be good at that sort of thing. (_Margaret looks up sharply_). Writing letters I mean. You can write such splendid ones, you know. (_Margaret writes awhile while Helen looks over her shoulder._) MARGARET—(_rising_) There, that ought to do the trick. What do you think of it? HELEN—Well, if she can’t take the hint from that that she’s not wanted, she must be as dense as a—a fog! (_goes to put on her hat._) I must go for I promised to stay only a few minutes. Good-bye (_goes towards the door_) I hope your cousin won’t be too boorish if she does come. MARGARET—Good-bye. We’ll trust to luck. (_Helen disappears. Margaret comes to centre of stage_) Well, that letter _is_ a good stunt, but my, wouldn’t dad be angry if he knew! But I’ll chance it that he doesn’t find out. Now for a toast. (_Pretends to drink._) Here’s to the refusal of my invitation to my country cousin. CURTAIN SCENE II (_A country kitchen. Elizabeth in middy and skirt, enters slowly toward centre of stage, examining an envelope._) ELIZABETH—(_still examining envelope._) I wonder who this letter’s from. I don’t know the writing and it’s from New York City. But there’s lot of people I know there. Perhaps it’s from one of those little girls at Erskine College that were always getting a crush on us bigger girls and bothering us to death with their gushing. Now, who is it from anyway? (_laughing._) Say, I never thought of it, but perhaps if I opened it I’d find out. (_Opens and glances over it, and seems amazed and reads very slowly aloud._) 14 Riverside Drive, New York City. Dear Cousin Elizabeth: Father wished me to write and ask you to visit us for a couple of weeks. I know that you really wouldn’t want to come as you’d feel so shy and awkward in a city home and among the girls in our set and doubtless you have no clothes suitable for the city; but as he wished me to ask you, I have done so. Yours truly, Margaret Neilson. (_Elizabeth looks up bewildered._) ELIZABETH—What a queer letter! I wonder if any of the girls are playing a trick on me. (_thinks._) Now, I have it. I’ve heard mother mention her brother, Jerry Neilson, who went to the city and his aristocratic wife made him cut his country relations when they got rich. So this must be from my cousin. But how could any girl write such a rude, insolent letter like that! She certainly was forced to write against her will. I bet her father never saw that letter. It would serve her right if I sent it to him. I’d feel out of place in a city home and in her set! Well, (_laughing_) that’s a joke, when I’ve been in some of the best homes in New York City. I wonder what Edith Browning would say to that and a lot of the other girls at dear old Erskine. Well, my dear cousin, I’ll just write you a polite note of refusal. (_Goes to table and writes, then reads aloud_). “Miss Edith Norton regrets with pleasure the sincerely cordial and hospitable invitation of Miss Margaret Neilson.” Oh, (_suddenly jumping and clapping her hands._) I’ve an idea! I’ll accept my kind and hospitable cousin’s invitation since she’s so anxious to have me and since she expects me to be such a queer freak from the backwoods, it would be too bad to disappoint her, so I’ll dress and act the part of the poor country cousin she’s looking for. Oh, (_dancing around_) it will be heaps of fun. I’ll stay there a day and then I’ll pay Edith Browning that visit I’ve promised her for ages. (_Going towards the exit._) The girls at Erskine always said I was a born actress and now I’ll have the chance to prove whether they were just flattering me or not. (_Stops and glances at the address, 14 Riverside Drive._) Why, Mildred Ewing lives just a couple houses from there. I’ll dress there and just slip over when the coast is clear. There’s some of my masquerade costumes up in the attic. I’ll run and see if I can find something suitable for my new role. Say, but won’t I lead my dear cousin a merry dance! (_Laughs and runs off the stage._) CURTAIN SCENE III (_Sitting room in Neilson’s house. Margaret is seated doing fancywork. Helen comes in and Margaret rushes to meet her._) HELEN—Say, what’s up now that you had to have me come over in such a hurry? Have you any startling news? (_Both go towards centre._) MARGARET—Oh Helen, I’m in a terrible fix and all over that awful letter you made me write to— HELEN—(_interrupting indignantly._) I made you write! MARGARET—Yes, to Elizabeth—or Lizzie as I guess she’s called. Would you ever think she’d accept that invitation? HELEN—No, she hasn’t, has she? MARGARET—Yes, she has and here’s her answer. (_shows her a letter written on some very brightly colored paper or wrapping paper._) Just look at the spelling and the style! Wouldn’t it crimp you? And just wait until I read it to you (_begins to read, while Helen follows her over her shoulder and giggles all through the reading of it._) Dear Maggie—(_Isn’t that abominable?_)— I’ve been wanting ter visit the city ever since I was skin high to a grasshopper, but didn’t know I had any kin in the city that I could visit. It’s awferlly kind of youse to ask me and I’ll be there as sure as guns this coming Wednesday. I jest got some new clothes made by Susannah Sparks and they’re mighty stylish, I kin tell yer. I aint a bit bashful so youse kin invite all the people in youse like. I’d like ter meet yer friends awful well. Remember me to yer pap. Yers to a sliver, Lizzie Norton. (_throws the letter down on the table in disgust and makes a face._) Isn’t that perfectly awful? That means she’ll be here to-morrow and oh, she must be dreadful! And what if she should tell dad about that awful letter we wrote! Oh, why did I do it, and whatever will I do? (_Sinks down in chair and begins to cry._) HELEN—(_going over and putting her arm around her._) Oh, cheer up! Things might be worse. You can manage to avoid the girls for awhile and you can give Lizzie books to read or something to keep her in the background and out of mischief. MARGARET—(_drying her eyes._) It’s a good thing she isn’t coming today for you know I’ve invited Edith Browning for tea and I want to be on my best behavior and be as nice as I can so as to make a good impression. If Lizzie were here, I would be mortified to death. (_bell rings behind stage._) Oh, there’s the bell. It’s too early for Edith. I wonder who it is. (_goes to the door and looks out._) There’s Nora answering the door now. (_throws up her hands in horror._) Good heavens, who can that awful person be! HELEN—What person? (_Goes and looks too and giggles._) Goodness, I bet she’s escaped from some asylum. But listen, Nora’s going to settle her. (_both listen at door._) NORA—(_behind the scenes_) Yez can’t come in here. This is no place for the likes of ye. Ye’d better thry the asylum where ye belong. ELIZABETH—(_behind the scenes_) Yer’d better go there yerself. Let me tell yer that I kin come in if I want ter. I’ve come to visit my Uncle Jerry and yer needn’t think a red-haired freckled flip of a thing like yer can stop me. Now stop making a door of yerself and let me through or I’ll tell my cousin Maggie on yer. HELEN—Good heavens, here she comes! (_Drags Margaret to front of stage where they both fall limp into chairs._) MARGARET—Merciful powers, it’s Lizzie! Isn’t she—(_Elizabeth appears at door, dressed in a most ridiculous fashion and carries an old-fashioned telescope and a big satchel. Both girls sit staring at her._) ELIZABETH—(_Rushing up to them and throwing down her telescope_) Helloa, girls! Be one of youse my cousin Maggie? I’m Lizzie Norton. I got a chance ter come up a day earlier so I didn’t think it would make any odds. (_The girls have jumped to their feet thunder-struck._) ELIZABETH—(_looks from one to the other_) Say, what’s the matter with youse? Be youse both deef and dumb? MARGARET—(_extending her hand which Elizabeth seizes_) I’m _Margaret_ Neilson so I suppose you must be my cousin Lizzie. We were not expecting you until to-morrow. (_Aside to Helen._) Oh, Helen, isn’t she perfectly dreadful? HELEN—(_aside to Margaret_) Well, I should say! And her clothes sure are the latest style as there’s never been any like them—yet! ELIZABETH—(_tugging at the elastic on her hat_) Well, youse didn’t tell me ter take off my hat, but I guess I’ll make myself ter hum. (_Takes off her hat and throws it on the couch and stares around._) My, aint everything here perfectly grand! (_Goes around the room._) Youse folks must be pretty stylish. Now, ter home us folks aint never seen such nice things. (_Turns suddenly._) Say, how’s Uncle Jerry, Maggie? MARGARET—If you’re referring to my father, his name is J. Ernest Neilson, so please call him Uncle Ernest. As for myself, I detest the name of Maggie. _Do_ call me Margaret. ELIZABETH—Oh, yer rather peppery aint yer? I’m sure Jerry is just as good a name as yer kin find anywhere. Why, we named our old white horse that and a better horse yer couldn’t have. As for Maggie, our black and white spotted cow is called that and she gives more milk than any of them. (_Margaret looks more and more disgusted and Helen amused._) Say, aint you going to interduce me to your friend? At hum we always interduce everybody to everybody else. MARGARET—I beg your pardon. This is my friend, Miss Helen Montgomery. (_Helen raises her hand very high and Elizabeth pulls it down and shakes it heartily._) ELIZABETH—Please ter meet you, Helly. I suspect I’ll get real acquainted with yer before my visit’s over. Yer don’t look quite as stuck-uppish as my cousin there. (_Margaret makes a face while Helen laughs._) HELEN—I feel greatly complimented, I’m sure. (_Aside_) She’s summed up Margaret pretty well for a green country girl. ELIZABETH—(_examining the girl’s clothes_) Say, girls, yer dressed up mighty swell. Be yer going to a party? MARGARET—(_proudly_) Why, no, these are just our every-day clothes. ELIZABETH—(_in surprise_). You don’t say! (_Smoothing down her own dress proudly._) Don’t you like my new dress? (_Margaret looks disdainful._) I was bound to have Susannah make it stylish and put in all the pleats and frills she could. I think she made a real good job of it, don’t youse? HELEN—(_sarcastically_) Why, yes, I think it is beautiful (_looking at Elizabeth’s hat_) and what a lovely hat you have and so becoming. (_Turns her back to laugh._) ELIZABETH—(_getting the hat and turning it around in her hand_) Yes, I think it mighty nice and so should it be for it was awferlly expensive. I paid $1.98 for the shape itself at (_names a local milliner_) and I trimmed it myself. (_Puts it back on sofa. Helen and Margaret sit down._) HELEN—(_aside_) It wouldn’t need a detective to make that discovery, that’s one thing sure. ELIZABETH—(_unfastening satchel and taking out a gaily colored centre-piece_) Now, I’ll jest set down and work at this centre-piece. (_Sits down in rocking chair and works._) I’m going to give it to you, Mag—_Margaret_, I mean, for yer parler table. MARGARET—(_aside_) Oh, gee, imagine that on our highly polished table. I guess it will be more likely to adorn the attic. (_aloud_) Oh, that’s very nice of you. By the way, how did you find your way here? HELEN—Oh yes, how did you when you had never been in the city before? ELIZABETH—Well, now, I did have a mighty hard time of it at first. I asked one of them policemen if he could tell me where Uncle Jer—where Mr. J. Ernest Neilson lived and he just laughed at me. (_She keeps rocking._) HELEN—Well, I should think he would. Didn’t you know any better than that? ELIZABETH—(_still sewing_) Why, I was told that them policemen could answer any kind of a question. At hum everybody knows where everybody else lives so I thought it would be the same here. (_Both girls laugh._) Anyway he asked what his address was and I showed him the top of yer letter. MARGARET—(_in horror_) You didn’t show him my letter! ELIZABETH—Sure and he must have got a good squint at what was in it, too, for he looked so funny. Well he told me to get into one of them street car things, and the feller who was all dressed up in brass buttons and took the tickets told me when to get into another so it was real easy. But I think the people here are dreadfully imperlite. They kept giggling and giggling. I asked one what the joke was and she grew awfully red and didn’t answer. I think it’s mighty rude not to tell other folks the joke, why down to hum—(_looks up just as the girls are turning up their noses_). Say, what’s the matter with your noses? Have they nervous twitches in them? Get a bottle of Dr. Cure-all’s syrup of tar at (_name of local druggist_) and it will soon stop that for it cured my cold. (_Rising and throwing fancy work on chair._) Laws a me, I’m awfully thirsty. Where’s the kitchen (_goes towards door, Margaret starts up_). Never mind coming. I’ll just use the dipper so you don’t need to get me a glass. MARGARET—Well, tell Nora to get you a drink. (_Exit Elizabeth_). Oh Helen, I never saw anybody so common— HELEN—(_interrupting_). Why she’s the most _un_common specimen I ever met in all my life. MARGARET—(_proceeding_)—and horrid before—and oh, (_jumping up in consternation_), I forgot all about Edith coming. She’ll be here soon now and I simply must get Lizzie out of the way before she comes. Oh Helen, (_putting her arm around her_), hurry up and think up something to help me out of this hole. HELEN—(_aside_), And she was so grateful when I tried to help her the last time. But she’s in a pretty tight box now so I guess I’ll have to try and patch it up. I wish her _important ancestors_ had given her some brains. (_Aloud._) Oh, tell her—tell her—. Now let me think (_thinks for a minute and suddenly grabs Margaret’s arm_). I have it. Tell her that you know she must be very tired after her long journey and that you’re sure she would like to rest and have tea quietly in her own room. Nora could take it up on a tray. Lizzie will think it’s so considerate of you, I’m pretty sure, and the novelty of having things sent up to her might appeal to her. Let’s try it anyway. MARGARET—All right. I’d try anything. (_Elizabeth appears._) But here she comes now. (_Elizabeth comes toward centre and Margaret goes to meet her and puts her arm around Elizabeth’s waist_). Oh Lizzie, I know you must be pretty tired after your long journey. I think perhaps you had better rest quietly until tea time. Then I’ll tell Nora to fix you up a nice dainty tray and you’ll be under no nervous strain at all. ELIZABETH—Me tired after that speck of a ride on the train! Why I’ve saw me walk five miles ter town and go home and milk ten cows and not be a bit the worse for it. And talk about nerves. Well I may be _nervy_ but I aint got them nerves that make people act like sillies. Now I’ll just go up and put on my red chiny silk dress Susannah fixed up that stylish with yeller bows and six frills and point de spit lace. It will only take me a few minutes and I’ll be down in lots of time for supper. (_Gets valise and goes towards exit, then stops at one end of stage_), (_Aside_), I guess it’s time that I ended this farce. I think I’ve given my dear cousin a pretty strong jolt, judging from her face and actions. Gee, she’s the limit all right. Anyway, I had better change into a decent dress as I would hate to offend Uncle Jerry—I mean _Uncle J. Ernest Neilson_ (_exit Elizabeth_). (_Margaret sits moodily in chair with head propped on knees. Helen sits toying with some fancy work._) HELEN—For goodness sake, Margaret, cheer up, you’re not dead yet! MARGARET—I wish I were. What am I going to do? and Edith is due any minute. I wonder what made Lizzie strike today. HELEN—(_explosively_) Well, do you know, I like her! MARGARET—(_in surprise_) Do you really? Well, I believe I do myself. There’s something rather refreshing about her and she’s so frank and good-natured. She doesn’t bear the least grudge for that horrid letter we sent. Perhaps she doesn’t see anything wrong with it though. Oh, whatever made me do it? I feel as mean as dirt everytime I think of it. I’d give anything if I had never written it. HELEN—Yes, I guess it was pretty shabby, but what’s done cannot be undone. Anyway, I don’t suppose she knows enough to take offense at it. (_Starting up._) Oh, I have an idea! MARGARET—(_moodily_), I notice that you do catch on to one once in a while. Well let’s hear it. HELEN—(_aside in disgust_) Now, wouldn’t that crimp you! She couldn’t find an idea all by herself in a thousand years. (_Aloud_). Why, I was just thinking that Lizzie would look quite pretty if she had a decent dress to wear and was fixed up some. Now, what’s to hinder you lending her one of your pretty dresses and doing her hair in some becoming fashion? I bet she wouldn’t look bad at all. MARGARET—Why, she wouldn’t. I’ll go right up now and do it (_starts toward exit_), or she’ll be coming down in some awful concoction of a dress. Oh, dear, I feel awfully nervous. HELEN—Did you hear what she said about nerves? The very idea, when nerves are all the go now. (_Bell rings_). Oh, there’s Edith now. I wish she had stayed away for half an hour longer. MARGARET—So do I. And however will I manage to fix Lizzie up now? HELEN—Talk for a few minutes and then excuse yourself and I’ll entertain Edith until you come back. MARGARET—(_warmly_) Helen, you’re a dear and just full of ideas. I don’t know what I’d do without you. (_Goes out_). HELEN—(_aside dramatically_), Behold the expanding of Miss Margaret Neilson’s character. She is actually wakening up to what I am trying to do for her and has even expressed one grain of gratitude. Well I guess I’ll hang on to the grain, perhaps it will sprout. (_Sees Lizzie’s hat and fancy work._) Goodness I’d better get these out of sight or they’d be a sure giveaway. (_Runs and thrusts fancy work under a cushion and throws hat behind couch. Margaret appears arm in arm with Edith who is well but quietly dressed. Helen goes to meet them._) MARGARET—You know Helen Montgomery don’t you, Miss Browning? EDITH—Oh call me Edith, it’s more sociable and I’ll call you Margaret. Why yes, (_shaking hands with Helen_), I have met you several times, haven’t I? Coming to a new city it takes a person quite awhile to get acquainted, but I’m managing not too badly. HELEN—Why, I should say not. You have made hosts of friends already from all accounts. EDITH—Yes, everybody has been awfully kind to me and then I’d met several people when I was at Erskine. (_All girls take seats, Edith sitting where she can see the exit by turning slightly._) I hope you girls weren’t expecting me any sooner. I had some shopping to do and that delayed me. MARGARET—Oh, that’s all right, but we were just saying we wish you’d hurry up so that we could have a nice, long chat about everything before supper, so— HELEN—(_interrupting_) Oh, Edith, do tell us about some of the jolly times you had at Erskine College. I’m just aching to hear about them. (_Draws chair closer to Edith_). MARGARET—Yes, please do! (_Draws her chair closer_). EDITH—Why, I could tell you lots, but really I wouldn’t know where to begin and once I began, I wouldn’t know where to stop. For one thing we used to have midnight suppers whenever one of the girls would get a box from home. We’d all meet in one room and have nothing but candles for a light and when we heard anyone coming, we would have to blow them out, quick as wink. Oh, but it was exciting when we heard any footsteps outside! There’d be a wild scamper, I can tell you. HELEN AND MARGARET—I guess there would be. What would you do? EDITH—Everybody would grab the first thing that came handy and we’d make ourselves as small as possible. We’d squeeze four or five into bed with the eats and a few under while the rest would get into a closet. One of the girls would snore and the teacher would think she was asleep and pass on. It was pretty hard on the eats, though, being grabbed in such a hurry and getting all crushed up, but then it was lots of excitement and fun. HELEN—What else did you do? EDITH—Well, we put on some pretty good amateur plays. Beth Norton, was simply grand in anything like that. Say, (_with enthusiasm_) you just ought to know Beth. She’s the dearest girl out. Everybody raved over her at Erskine. She was just bubbling over with fun and mischief and kept things lively all the time. She was so good-hearted and kind too and had the most forgiving nature. One girl said she was so full of fun that there wasn’t a speck of room for spite to lodge in. MARGARET—She must be lovely. I’d like awfully well to meet her. EDITH—Well, I don’t see why you couldn’t for I just got a letter from her and she said she was going to visit me in a couple days. She said she was visiting some snobbish cousin of hers who needs to be taken down a peg or two. I’d love to see her do it, but I wouldn’t like to be the cousin, I can tell you. MARGARET—No, nor I either, but those people who put on such airs ought to have it taken out of them some way or other. I wonder who she is. EDITH—I don’t know. Beth wouldn’t think of giving her away. (_Helen stares fixedly at Margaret and nods. Margaret rises_). MARGARET—I wonder if you’d excuse me for a few minutes. I have some things I must attend to. EDITH—Why of course. Don’t hurry back. (_Gazes at Margaret starting to go out. Elizabeth appears at exit very daintily dressed._) EDITH—(_rushing past Margaret seizes Elizabeth and hugs her_), Why Beth, you dear girl, (_pulls her towards centre_), wherever did you come from? The girls were just saying they didn’t know you. (_Margaret and Helen both stand in amazement._) That’s funny. ELIZABETH—Oh, helloa Edith! I didn’t know you knew my cousin. I’m just staying here until to-morrow and then I’m going to your place for awhile. EDITH—(_aside in horror_), So this Margaret Neilson is the snob Beth is to take down a peg. Good gracious, but I’ve put my foot into it. (_Edith and Beth go to one side and eagerly converse in low tones_). MARGARET—(_to Helen_), Lizzie, Beth Norton! Why whatever does it mean anyway? (_thinks_), How can she be one and the same person? Oh, oh, I see it now. The names are both nicknames and I never imagined my cousin Elizabeth was the much talked of Beth. And so I’m the snob that Edith said Beth was to take down a peg! (_Pauses_) And the worst of it is I know I deserve it after that horrible letter. I don’t deserve to have her ever speak to me again. HELEN—But, whatever did she mean by dressing up like that! MARGARET—Why, don’t you see? Didn’t you say that when she acted, she had all the professionals beaten to pieces? Well, she’s acted that country gawk I inferred in that letter to take me down that peg. Gee, she’s taken me down a whole bunch of them. And oh look how we treated her since she came. Oh, Helen, I’m so ashamed. I wish there was a hole in the floor so that I could crawl into it. HELEN—(_aside_), Thank goodness, she’s admitted that much. There’s hope for her yet. (_Aloud._) We both acted awfully mean and for my part I’m going to take my pill and swallow it. MARGARET—I will too. It’s mighty bitter, but the worse the medicine tastes, as a rule, the better are the results. I’ll never—(_Elizabeth comes up to her_). ELIZABETH—Well, Mag—Margaret, I guess it’s up to me to explain. You see when I got your letter which showed me so plainly that you considered any person brought up in the country was some sort of a curiosity and nothing but an ignoramus, I thought I would come and explain to you that the farmers of today are among the best educated and most wealthy people there are and their daughters are receiving the very best advantages that can be gotten. But when I read your letter over, I couldn’t resist the temptation of acting the awkward gawk of a specimen you expected. Did I succeed? MARGARET—Succeed! Oh goodness, it was awful. (_Sinks into a chair and starts to cry_), Oh, Liz—Beth, I mean. I know I’ve been as nasty and snobbish as I could. And you don’t know how mean I’ve felt ever since I wrote that awful, awful letter. I’ve wished again and again that I’d never been so rude and horrid. Will you ever forgive me? (_Cries_). ELIZABETH—(_Putting her arm around her_), Oh, cheer up, Margaret, of course I’ll forgive you; you just need some of your notions changed. That’s all. And when it comes to forgiving, perhaps I’d better ask you to forgive me for playing such a trick on you. (_Aside, laughing_), But, gee it was the best fun I’ve had for ages. Their shocked faces! (_laugh_), their turned up noses, (_laughs_), their open disgust. Oh glory, it was worth a circus to see them. EDITH—Well, let’s forget everything that’s been done and said and begin all over again. I think we’ll be great friends. Let’s shake over it. (_She takes Helen’s hand, Elizabeth takes Margaret’s and they stand with crossed hands in front of stage_). ELIZABETH—Oh girls, see how our hands are crossed; I wonder who’s going to be married first. CURTAIN Christmas Entertainments =CHRISTMAS AT PUNKIN HOLLER.= A new Christmas play by Elizabeth F. Guptill that abounds in clean, wholesome fun from beginning to end. It depicts the trials of the teacher of an old-fashioned “deestric school” in conducting the last rehearsal for the Christmas Entertainment. Some of the pupils are in “custom,” as big Jake puts it, and “Sandy Claus” is there. The children go through their parts with gusto and more or less success. May be given in any schoolroom by any number. Easy to produce. Costumes simple. Children and grown-ups will be delighted with CHRISTMAS AT PUNKIN HOLLER. Price, 15 cents. =A TOPSY TURVY CHRISTMAS.= Another new Christmas play by Elizabeth F. Guptill. It is decidedly humorous from start to finish. The characters are strong and at every turn of the play there is a happy surprise for the audience. The children are tired of “minding,” and the everything being “just so,” so they start to find a place where they will find things different. They find it in Topsy Turvy Land, where they have strange experiences. When at last they have a Topsy Turvy Christmas, they are ready to go home and be satisfied with things just as they are. May be given in any schoolroom by any number of children not less than fifteen. In two short scenes. This clever play will prove a sure winner wherever produced. Price, 15 cents. =CHRISTMAS AT McCARTHY’S.= Elizabeth P. Guptill. Here is a new Christmas play for the older children and as many young children as are available. It combines in a marked degree the gentlest pathos and the most sparkling humor. Several nationalities are represented in the tenement and there is opportunity for the introduction of specialties if desired. Circumstances cause Elsie, the tenement orphan, to believe Jimmy, the newsboy, will buy her a Christmas present, and it seems it is up to Jimmy to do it. Christmas is an unknown quantity at the tenement, but all agree that Elsie must not be disappointed, and plan to have one somehow. The entertainment is given by the “inhabitints thimsilves,” at McCarthy’s. In the midst of the fun, Elsie’s lost father walks in, and the finale is a general rejoicing. Price, 25c. =CHRISTMAS DIALOGUES.= By Cecil J. Richmond. A book full of the choicest new and original dialogues for Christmas, parts for both boys and girls being well provided for. Some are for the little folks, in rhyme, some are for intermediate grades, and others for older children. Every dialogue in this book is decidedly to the point and easy to prepare. They will delight young and old alike. Contents: Is There a Santa Claus? 2 small children, Santa Claus and chorus; Herbert’s Discovery, 2 boys; The Christmas Dinner, 2 little girls, 1 larger girl and 2 boys; Playing Santa Claus, 1 small and 2 larger boys; A Double Christmas Gift, 2 small girls, 2 larger girls, and 3 boys. Price, 15 cents. =EVERGREEN AND HOLLY—SONG AND DRILL.= By Elizabeth F. Guptill. A drill for any even number of boys and girls, or all girls. The girls carry garlands of evergreen while the boys carry wreaths of the same. After a spectacular drill and fancy march they all sing a beautiful Christmas song, which accompanies the drill. Following the song they wind a spiral to the center of the stage, unwind same and march off. Complete instructions are given. It is the best Christmas drill ever published; easy to produce and decidedly novel. Price, 15 cents. =PEARL’S CHRISTMAS.= Original, pleasing and interesting Christmas dialogue with an excellent moral, for 3 boys and 4 girls. Price, 5 cents; seven copies, 25 cents. =SITTING UP FOR SANTA CLAUS.= A humorous dialogue for 6 girls, 5 boys, and Santa Claus. If you expect to have a Christmas entertainment, you surely want this. Single copy, 10 cents; or 10 copies, 60 cents. Paine Publishing Company, Dayton, Ohio READINGS AND RECITATIONS =COMIC ENTERTAINER, THE.= An up-to-date collection of the choicest humor. Such a variety in prose and poetry as to suit almost any occasion. The book also contains four monologues, two for male and two for female characters; also four short dialogues. Price, thirty cents. =HUMOROUS MONOLOGUES.= By Mayme R. Bitney. A fine collection of twenty-nine original monologues designed for the use of the amateur and the professional monologist. Practically suitable for ladies. The author has brought out with skill the humorous incidents that help make up the life of the country girl and woman, while the fashionable woman of the city, who is interested in parties, teas and golf, is just as truthfully depicted. Price, thirty cents. =THE EXCELLENT SCHOOL SPEAKER.= The “Excellent”—is true to name. A book of over one hundred pages, especially compiled for us by C. S. Bradford, containing selections of poetry and prose, new and fresh. Full of good things. You can make no mistake in securing this speaker. Price, fifteen cents. =HOWE’S COMIC SCHOOL SPEAKER.= Full of short, pithy, comic, and humorous recitations. This book should be in every school. Price, fifteen cents. =HOWE’S EXHIBITION SCHOOL SPEAKER.= Contains about one hundred pages of selections of great range from the choicest literature of our country, suitable for schools, homes and exhibitions. It is the best thing out. Send for it. Price, fifteen cents. =THE JUVENILE SPEAKER.= Every piece in this little book can be used and is worthy of its place in this useful work. It is undoubtedly the best book of the kind, for the money, published; and is highly recommended by teachers everywhere. Price, twenty cents. =LITTLE PIECES FOR LITTLE PEOPLE.= Each set has twenty cards containing twenty-nine bright, pretty recitations for boys and girls, from five to ten years of age. Teachers like the pieces because of their convenient form. Being printed on cards, all wearisome copying is avoided. Price, fifteen cents. =MONOLOGUES FOR YOUNG FOLKS.= By Mayme Riddle Bitney. Fifty-four original, clever, humorous monologues for young people from six to sixteen, or for monologists who impersonate children. A recitation may be a recounting of incidents, but a monologue has action; it becomes alive, and you are carried along with intense interest. A great variety of subjects. Also twenty-eight selections as follows: For Washington’s Birthday (4). For Labor Day (4). For Memorial Day, Flag Day, and other Patriotic Occasions (3). For Thanksgiving Day (8). For Christmas (9). Price, thirty cents. =RECITATIONS FOR PRIMARY GRADES, ORIGINAL AND UNIQUE.= By Elizabeth F. Guptill. A collection of an unusual sort. Every one is as interesting as a story, and every one has a very decided point. Not a recitation in the collection that is dull or impractical. Price, fifteen cents. =THE NORMAL SPEAKER.= A book suited to the wants of all, from the smallest school-child to the oldest reader. Do you want the most eloquent passages ever delivered by our greatest orators? Do you want the most soul-stirring patriotism? Do you want the purest, tenderest and most ennobling pathos? Do you want the most droll, eccentric and ludicrous descriptions and characterizations? Do you want the richest, rarest and most side-splitting humor? Do you want to arouse a new interest in literature and elocution among your pupils? Do you want the selections recited by the most eminent elocutionists? Do you want the cream, the quintessence of all that is suitable for reading or declaiming in schools, exhibitions, literary societies, picnics, or in the family or private reading room? Buy the Normal Speaker and you will be sure to find in it something that will supply your wants. Price, thirty cents. Our large Entertainment Catalogue sent on request. PAINE PUBLISHING COMPANY, DAYTON, OHIO. * * * * * Transcriber’s Notes: The back cover had a sticker over the top obscuring the first entry and title. A duplicate advertisement was located and the words supplied from that. Page 6, repeated word “of” removed from text (and some of her own) Back cover, “Chistmas” changed to “Christmas” (a beautiful Christmas) *** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THAT AWFUL LETTER: A COMEDY FOR GIRLS *** Updated editions will replace the previous one—the old editions will be renamed. Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to copying and distributing Project Gutenberg™ electronic works to protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG™ concept and trademark. Project Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you charge for an eBook, except by following the terms of the trademark license, including paying royalties for use of the Project Gutenberg trademark. 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