The Project Gutenberg eBook of A Parody on Iolanthe, by D. Dalziel.

CEILA— That is extremely true and very pretty. Moreover, it is a very noble employment, this acting in behalf of the foremost railway of the world. Still, we are not altogether happy. Since our queen banished Iolanthe, our life has not been a transcendent one.

LEILA— Ah, Iolanthe was a whole team, and, like the Alton Road, she was the only one in the crowd who carried a proper train. But according to the laws of Fairydom, she committed an unpardonable sin. The fairy who marries a mortal must die.

QUEEN— No, because your queen, who loved her as much as a member of the State legislature loves a railway pass, commuted her sentence to travel for life on other lines, and sooner than do it she confined herself in a pond.

QUEEN— Yes. I gave her the choice of States. I am sure I never intended that she should go and live under a culvert beneath the bank of an Iowa railway.

QUEEN— Yes. An Iowa railway is hardly the place to send a delicate chest. Even an iron-bound trunk has no show on any other line than the Chicago & Alton. I do not understand why she went there.

QUEEN— Oh, no; we bring you back to bliss and Alton. And now tell me: with all the world to choose from, why on earth did you go to live at the bottom of that Iowa culvert?

QUEEN— Your son! I didn't know you had a son. I hardly think you'd oughter, Iolanthe.

IOLANTHE— He was born shortly after I left my husband at your royal command.

IOLANTHE— He is an Arcadian brakesman. He is one of those extremely pure young persons who have passed a competitive examination of intelligence before they can become anything on the Alton Road. Ah, here he is.

IOLANTHE— Then the Counselor has at last given his consent to your marriage with his beautiful ward Phyllis.

STREPHON— Alas! no. He is obdurate. He wants nothing less than a General Passenger Agent.

QUEEN— But how to get round this difficulty with the Counselor. Should you like to be a General Passenger Agent?

STREPHON— That would hardly do. You see I am half human, half fairy. My body is of the Alton Fairy kind, but my legs are of another line, and would be likely to take me on the wrong track.

QUEEN— Well, your fairyhood doesn't seem to have interfered with your digestion.

STREPHON— It is the curse of my existence. What's the use of being half a fairy? My body can go through the air-brake pipe, but if my legs ever get between the couplers, I'm a goner. There is one advantage: by making myself invisible down to the waist, I have collected damages from one railway company several times, because they couldn't find the rest of me after an accident. My legs, I suppose, will die some day, and then what will be the use of my bust? I can't satisfy Phyllis with half a husband. [Pg 9]

QUEEN— Don't let your legs distract you. They shall be our peculiar care. The Alton does nothing by halves. So farewell, attractive stranger.

(Enter the entire corps of officers of all the railways west of Chicago, except the C. & A. They are accompanied by a band, in which the instruments are exclusively and appropriately made of brass. The blowers in this band are the employés of the railway officers.)

And though the compliment implied Inflates me with legitimate pride, It nevertheless can't be denied, I feel its inconvenient side; For she has lots of Alton stock, As good as gold, and firm as a rock. But there'd be the deuce to pay, O Lord, If I patch'd up a match with my wealthy ward, Which rather gets up my dander, for I'm such a susceptible counselor. So if a director would marry my ward, He must come to me for my accord; In the Alton office I'll sit all day, To hear what agreeable men may say. But Phyllis declares she's not for he, She's not for thou, and she's not for thee, She wont have you, and she wont have ye, Because her mind is made up for A Chicago & Alton director.

LORD B.— And now let us proceed to the business of the day. Few of us have done any business for many days.

COUNSELOR— True. Let us proceed more rapidly than your trains. Phyllis, my ward, has so powerfully affected you that you have let all your railways go to eternal smash, and you have asked me to give her to whichever one of you I may select. It would be idle for me to deny that I, too, have been wonderfully attracted to this young woman. My affection for her is rapidly undermining my constitution, just as it has undermined the constitutions of all your railways. But we shall hear what she has to say herself, for here she comes.

(Exit all the G. P. A.'s in disgust, and with as much dignity as if they belonged to the Alton Road. Strephon and Counselor remain.)

STREPHON— Love knows no guardianship. We follow our inclinations. As I whirl along the Alton Road, all nature speaks of her love, and says "Take her." I read it on the face of the Sphinx Rock. William's Cañon thunders it forth, the Snowy Range melts in sympathy with our love, the Twin Lakes are one in wishing us joy, the Bowlder Falls leap with joy at our prospective union, and from Alton to Santa Fé every bird and bush and tree choruses our bliss; and can you say nay? [Pg 16]

When I went to the Alton, a very young man, Said I to myself, said I, I'll work on a new and original plan, Said I to myself, said I. I'll never assume that a road is O. K., That it's perfect, in fact, like the C. and the A., Till I've tried it my own and particular way, Said I to myself, said I.

I'll never throw dust in a passenger's eyes, Said I to myself, said I, Recommending a road with buncombe and lies, Said I to myself, said I, Or pretend that some other roads of which we read Can equal the Alton for comfort and speed, Or supply all the luxuries travelers need, Said I to myself, said I.

Ere I boast of the road, I will travel it through, Said I to myself, said I, And see that its officers do what they can do, Said I to myself, said I. So I went on the road from the first to the last, I travel'd with pleasure so safe and so fast, That I said, such a road can ne'er be surpass'd, Said I to myself, said I.

On all other roads by which men may go, Said I to myself, said I, They're none of them safe, and they're all of them slow, Said I to myself, said I. [Pg 21]

The Chicago and Alton must still be A 1, For business, for pleasure, for health, or for fun, Or it never could have such a character won, Said I to myself, said I.

(This being rather a difficult song to sing, the Counselor, in reply to the deafening encore which he receives, will hand to each person in the audience a copy of the Langtry Map, a book of the Patience Parody, a copy of the Chicago News-Letter, and a folder of the Alton Road. Exit Counselor, with a skip.)

IOLANTHE— Oh, if he only knew—— No matter. The Queen of our road and its fairies shall protect you. See, here they come. (Enter Fairies.)

(Strephon embraces Iolanthe, sobbing. Enter Phyllis. She sees Strephon embrace his mother, and starts violently.)

QUEEN— When next your convention does assemble, you may tremble. Our wrath when railroad heads offend us is tremendous. They must who underrate our calling "cut rates appalling." Take down our sentence as we speak it, and he shall wreak it. Henceforth, Strephon, cast away your brakeman suit and brakeman pay; another racket you shall play. Of the beauteous Alton Line, favorite Western road of mine, you a G. P. A. shall be. Gentlemen, what do you think of he?

And now take down my word and pleasure. Henceforth, your equal he shall be. Into your councils he shall come, in your debates he shall rule. Henceforth, it is the Alton Road you must imitate.

QUEEN—From this time forth, you will have to run your trains on the same standard of excellence which marks the Alton.

(Very solemnly.) You will also be forced to run your trains according to your advertised time-table.

QUEEN— And now depart. When next your council meets, Strephon will be one of you.

ACT II.

LEILA—(Who has been attracted by the officers)— Charming persons, are they not?

CEILA— They do very well, considering whom they work for. In Alton uniforms they would look very well.

LORD BEESEEKEW— Well, we have done our best to imitate Alton, but it seems to be a failure. Why not stop this disgusting protégé of yours?

CEILA— (Crying)—We can't stop him. The road has made too much headway. It is harder to kill than a Presidential boom in Indiana. (Aside.) How beautiful they all are!

QUEEN— O you shameful flirts, always running after those railway men. Don't you know it's death to marry a mortal?

CEILA— If it were, you'd have to execute all of us; but who wouldn't fall in love with a railroad man?

LEILA— Especially a Chicago & Alton man, and we are not all as tough as you are.

QUEEN— Am I tough? Look at that daisy! (Pointing to Willis.) Who are you, sir?

QUEEN— (Starts)—The Alton! Ah! I, too, am not insensible to the charms of manly beauty. Look at that man! He is a fair specimen of the Alton employés—a perfect picture.

WILLIS— Yes, mum, I am generally admired, although I do not compare favorably with my fellow-employés. The standard of beauty is very high on this road. (Modestly retires.)

QUEEN— The road has taste—(To the Fairies.) Now here is a man belonging to the first road in the Union, whose physical beauty eclipses Apollo's. If I yielded to a natural impulse, I should at once be mashed by that man. But I mortify this inclination; I wrestle with it,—I subdue it, ha! ha! This is how I suppress my inclinations.

PHYLLIS—I can't think why I am not in better spirits. I am engaged to one General Freight Agent and one General Passenger Agent, and could have the whole railway association if I only said the word. As for Strephon, I hate him. No girl would care for a young man who was considerably older than his mother—though nowadays there are a good many such floating about.

PHYLLIS—How dare you! But perhaps you are the Freight Agent—or the General Passenger Agent.

LORD B.—To be frank, because everybody was rushing for positions on the Alton, and they left the post uncovered. I have held the place a long time.

LORD B.—Not so much that as because now the Alton has run our business down so, there is no money to pay salaries with, and I am willing to wait for mine. The stockholders appreciate my kindness.

PHYLLIS—The Freight Agent! Well, have you settled? Have you settled which of you it is to be?

LORD S.—It isn't quite settled. We tossed for it, but we did it in a saloon where the dice always threw sixes. We got hold of the proprietor's private set. Suppose we leave the choice to you?

PHYLLIS—How can it possibly concern me? You are both railway officials. You both get everything but your salaries, and I don't see where I am to choose. If one of you will throw up your share in your so-called railway, and admit the Alton to be, what it is, the first line in the world, I might perhaps take time to consider. [Pg 34]

LORD B.— We are too jealous to admit that, although we know it. The only resort now is for one of us to give way to the other. Perhaps, on the whole, she would be happier with me.

LORD S.— The chances are in your favor. The one difficulty which remains is, that if you rob me of the girl I love I must kill you. I shall give you a pass over my railroad.

LORD B.— (Shrieks with fright)—Not that! Not that! (Bursts into tears.)

LORD S.— I think you are right,—the sacrifice is too great. The sacred ties of friendship will not permit the wanton cruelties suggested, between men who love each other as we do. (They embrace.)

When on some snide road, with a terrible load, and an engine not up to an Alton one, You lie ill at ease, in a berth filled with fleas, all ready to make an assault on one, With your mind in a pother on this, that, and t' other, Because, in your doubt and perplexity, You travel'd this way, while happy as play Goes the Chicago & Alton just next t' ye.

Then the counterpane tickles—you feel like mixed pickles, Your pillow as hard as a bullet, And your sheet is so small it wont cover at all, No matter 'tis which way you pull it; Then you rave, and you swear, and tear out your hair, With none but yourself to lay fault on, And swear by the Heaven, if once you're forgiven, To abjure all lines but the Alton.

COUNSELOR— I am; I acknowledge it. It is my double capacity which does it. I am her guardian and her suitor. In my latter capacity I am overawed by my duty in my other capacity. It unnerves me.

LORD S.— It is hard. Just think of having two capacities. Let us be truly thankful that we have no capacity at all. But take courage; nothing that I ever heard of daunted a Chicago & Alton Railroad official.

STREPHON— Phyllis! But I forgot. I suppose I should, madam—— let me see,—what name have you decided upon?

PHYLLIS— I haven't quite made up my mind. You see, I haven't any mother to advise me.

STREPHON— Of course she does. She was born and reared on the C. & A. line. Besides, she's a fairy.

PHYLLIS— That would account for a good many things. Fairies nowadays are rather indiscreet. I suppose you are a fairy, too.

STREPHON— I thought I might get myself disliked. There's no use loving half a man.

PHYLLIS— Better that than to love a whole man, as they go nowadays. Forgive me.

STREPHON— Think of the difficulties. My grandmother looks quite as young as my mother. So do all my aunts.

PHYLLIS— Then, if I catch you kissing the chambermaid, I shall know she's only a relative in disguise.

PHYLLIS— Then we will be married at once. I will attend to the fairies afterward. But how about your mother?

IOLANTHE— (Entering.)—The old lady is here, and blesses you, my children,—or words to that effect.

IOLANTHE— There is but one thing to do. I have been married to him for some years now. He is Strephon's father.

IOLANTHE— And being his wife, I will assume my domestic duties. Have you a club handy?

COUNSELOR— (Enters jubilant)—It's settled! Victory! victory! I put the case plainly to myself, although I must confess that when I addressed so important a personage as the legal adviser of the Chicago & Alton Railroad, I did so with many feelings of doubt in my mind. However, I took courage and pleaded my cause well. I said to myself, with the respect with which I always address myself, you are the legal adviser of the greatest railroad in the country, and, as such, you should not hesitate to exercise your droits de seigneur and take the girl from all competitors. I was bound to admit the force of my own argument, and so won my case. I shall marry the girl without delay. There is nothing to stand in the way.

COUNSELOR— And that is—but who are you? (Starts.) Ah! Thou livest, Iolanthe?

IOLANTHE— Never say die is the motto of the Alton Line. (She falls into his arms.)

LEILA— Hold! If Iolanthe must die, so must we all, for we are equally guilty.

LORD S.— Pardon them. They could not help it. The ancient traditions surrounding railway officials were too much for them, and they married us.

QUEEN— The traditions of our tribe must be imperative. They who marry mortals must die. There is no going back on the statutes.

COUNSELOR— Hold! I haven't been helping the public to obey the law all these years for nothing. Let me give your statute a whirl. (Looks it over.) Easy enough. Make it read that every fairy who marries outside the Alton Road shall die.

QUEEN— Yes, for the matrimonial line. How would you like to be a fairy ticket-taker?

WILLIS— It is one of the oldest traditions of this road that none of its employés can possibly be ill-bred, particularly to a lady. I am yours.

QUEEN— And now the only way to save our tribe from annihilation is for all you gentlemen to obey the law. Remember that any fairy who marries other than a Chicago & Alton man must die. (All shudder.)

STREPHON— And I, being in the Alton Road, will immediately employ you all and absorb all your lines. It was bound to come to that sooner or later.

COUNSELOR— The old wife is better than no wife, so here we all go to fairyland.

(The Alton uniform instantly covers them all, and their haggard, care-worn expressions are replaced by the happy, seraphic looks of men who habitually work for the C. & A. R. R.)

Jas. S. Kirk & Comp'y
Soap Masters & Perfumiers
North Side Chicago
Jas. S. Kirk & Compy's Toilet Soaps
Highly Perfumed with natural odors—in boxes artistically designed—packets elaborately enveloped.
Jas. S. Kirk & Compy's Concentrated Essences for the handkerchief
Flower odors—Rare degree of strength—and lasting.
Jas. S. Kirk & Compy's Zenithia Cologne
A delightful bouquet Pronounced by connoisseurs to be the Perfection of Colognes.

The HERALD is now in its ninth year, and has achieved a reputation as a Literary, Critical and Social authority.

It publishes more critical matter, society reports and pure literature than any other weekly in the West.

The special departments of this most successful family and society journal are as follows:

Those who may not have seen the HERALD recently are invited to obtain a specimen copy and find how much more newsy and entertaining it is than ever before.

All the leading Merchants and Railroads in Chicago indorse the SATURDAY EVENING HERALD, by constantly making use of its advertising columns. It is read by more people who have the means and the inclination to travel than any other weekly paper published in the West.

It has received more complimentary notices from the press of Chicago than any other weekly paper ever issued in the city, and, throughout the city and vicinity, is regarded as a Social and Critical Authority.

For Door Panels, Transoms, Prescription Cases, Druggists' Signs, Railroad Cars, Steamboats, Offices,

BRASS BAGGAGE CHECKS, EYELETTING MACHINES, SEAL PRESSES, WAY-BILL COPYING PRESSES, HAT BADGES, FOLDER BOXES, TARIFF PORTFOLIOS,

The General Plan of the Association is of the same order of the many existing Co-operative Benevolent Societies in which an insurer pays an "Admission Premium" to the agent of the Association. Subsequently, in case of death, an assessment is made upon said insurer as well as upon the others, and when it is collected it is paid over to the beneficiary of the deceased, the money actually not being in the hands of the Association, as a rule, 30 days.

Any person, male or female, between the ages of 15 and 70, can secure $6,000 Insurance, or less, in this Association.

COST.—Each $1,000 insurance costs the insurer $10.00 as a membership fee. Thereafter, $2.00 semi-annually expense fee and assessment for claims as per table.

TABLE OF ASSESSMENT RATE.		COMPARATIVE ASSESSMENT TABLE. Comparative Assessment Table for a party aged 68 years.
AGES 15-40 40-60 60-65 65-70	PAY 10 15 20 25	A member having a Policy of $1,000 $2,000 $3,000 $4,000 $5,000 $6,000	Would pay upon a loss of (See columns below.)						Remarks.
			$1,000	$2,000	$3,000	$4,000	$5,000	$6,000
Cents per $1,000 death loss for every $1,000 indemnity a person has.			$ .25 .50 .75 1.00 1.25 1.50	$ .50 1.00 1.50 2.00 2.50 3.00	$ .75 1.50 2.25 3.00 3.75 4.50	$1.00 2.00 3.00 4.00 5.00 6.00	$1.25 2.50 3.75 5.00 6.25 7.50	$1.50 3.00 4.50 6.00 7.50 9.00	The rate being 25 cts. at this age, of course for a lower rate a corresponding difference will occur.
		Other associations would, in every instance, charge the highest rates, as given in the lower line.

THE ORIGINAL AND ONLY LOW ASSESSMENT ASSOCIATION IN THE UNITED STATES, WITH ITS PLAN COPYRIGHTED. ITS PATRONS PAY AS THEY GO, AND GET WHAT THEY PAY FOR.

We manufacture Springs for Passenger, Freight, Baggage and Express Cars of every description, and Locomotive and Tender Springs to specification. We use only the

of uniform quality, thoroughly TEST every Spring before shipment, and fully GUARANTEE the same for the purpose intended. Capacity, twenty-five tons daily.

We roll tyres, both crucible and Siemen's Martin, from blooms especially made for us in England. They are rolled true to specification, and we give the most satisfactory assurances as to wear and mileage. Present capacity, twenty Locomotive Tyres daily. We fill all orders promptly.

The two cities above named are the great commercial centres of the United States, the former containing in the vicinity of 650,000 inhabitants, and the latter about 1,500,000. The number of people actually in Chicago at any one time would doubtless range far above these figures, as its floating or transient population is enormous, running up into figures that can hardly be credited. The traffic passing between these two cities daily is very large, when one considers that they are within a fraction of 1,000 miles apart. Boston also has a large traffic with Chicago, and, to give an idea of the accommodations necessary to provide for the passenger business alone between the three cities, we may state that the

which is the principal thoroughfare between the cities named, runs five express trains daily—three on Sundays—made up of fine new day coaches, smoking cars, drawing-room cars, palatial sleeping cars.

The Michigan Central Railroad has always held a foremost place among the lines between Chicago and the Atlantic seaboard, and the latest addition to their accommodations, in the shape of four new Dining Cars, will greatly strengthen its position.

These new cars are incomparable for beauty of design and selectness of adornments, all the elegancies of art having been exhausted to produce the most desirable effect. That the end has been gained goes without saying, and they stand to-day as far in advance of other Dining Cars as the first Dining Cars were in advance of the lunch counters at wayside stations.

The cuisine is quite on a par with the finish of the cars, and all that may minister to the nourishment of the body or tickle the palate of the most discriminating epicures will be found therein.

Other great features of the Michigan Central Railroad are that its through trains for New York and Boston run out of Chicago along the Michigan Lake front, within a stone's throw of the city's costliest mansions, through South Park and the magic city of Pullman, affording an extensive survey of this marvel of a marvelous age, and later passing over the new Cantilever Bridge in full view of Niagara Falls. It is for this latter reason known to all travelers as "The Niagara Falls Route."

"Come, Adele; come. Nellie; hurry up. Deacon Fitney will be here directly and the train starts directly."

The voice was that of Mr. Trevellyan, a thoroughly well-known and highly respected stock broker of the City of Chicago. Mr. Trevellyan was a hardworking man, and his various affairs did not give him much opportunity of absenting himself from his business. But to-day had been laid out as a holiday for the babies, and Papa Trevellyan had made up his mind to take part in it.

After a good deal of family discussion [these things generally involve more or less of that sort of thing] it was finally decided to make a trip to Niagara Falls and back. So a party was made up which was to consist of Mr. and Mrs. Trevellyan, the two children and a good-hearted Deacon Fitney, who was well acquainted with the way to "do" the Falls properly.

The day was, as I have just said, a bright one, even for the month of June, and both Adele and Nellie, in anticipation of a pleasant time, were not long in putting on their things and repairing to the parlor.

It was well they hurried. There was papa, valise in hand, ready to start; mamma, too; and nothing seemed to be wanting but the presence of Deacon Fitney, who had gone off to secure the railway tickets, and who promised to [Pg 61] return at once with a carriage and accompany the whole party to the train. The Deacon was not long in coming back. He was a good man in his way, was the Deacon. He had only one fault—he was unreasonably fond of Buttons! He adorned his apparel with more buttons than even the law requires, and he wore a nice gold-headed button on his neatly-tied satin scarf. Nobody could ever find out what prompted this peculiarity, but then nobody seemed to care very much. However, as I said before, the Deacon came back very quickly and helped get things in the carriage.

"By the way, Deacon," said Mr. Trevellyan, "what time do we start and which way do we go? You know I have left everything of that kind to you."

"Four-fifteen," said the Deacon, in a cheerful sort of way, "and by the Michigan Central Railroad. It is the only way to go. But never mind about the advantages to be gained by going over this remarkable route. I will tell you all about it when we get on the train."

And so they bundled into the carriage, and within a few minutes the entire party was seated in one of the magnificent palace cars which are attached to the Michigan Central Limited Express.

"All aboard!" shouted the conductor. "We're off," smiled the Deacon. The big clock in the depot struck the quarter after four, and the magnificent train, composed of five sleepers, three coaches, a palace dining car and a couple of baggage cars, slowly pulled out of the station.

Adele and Nellie glued their noses to the window, and their delight as they whizzed through the beautiful suburbs of South Chicago seemed unbounded. With Lake Michigan, tranquil and glittering with the rays of a summer sun, on one side, and a succession of lovely suburban residences on the other, the sight was a most lovely one. A few minutes later the train was flying through green fields and beautiful woods.

"Here, children," suddenly cried the Deacon from the other side of the car, "come quick and see the magic city of Pullman." In a minute Adele was on one of the Deacon's knees and Nellie on the other, and the train passed rapidly by the most wonderful evidence of modern enterprise. [Pg 62]

"Three years ago," said the Deacon, in answer to an enquiring look of admiration in the children's eyes, "the ground on which stands this most beautiful city, which is without doubt the model city of the world, was nothing but a swamp. See what it is now. Some day, when we get back home, I will bring you here and let you learn more closely what the creator of the beautiful place which bears the name of Pullman has done for his country."

A minute later the train flew past Kensington, and then fairly started on its iron way for its first stopping place, Michigan City, better known as the City of Sand. Then came Niles, with it wonderful bridge and its fairy valley. Then Kalamazoo, the biggest village in the world and the flower bed of creation. Then Marshall, Battle Creek and, Jackson, the latter place the centre of railway industry of the beautiful State of Michigan. Then Ann Arbor, where is situated the University of the State of Michigan, and then, last but not least, Detroit.

By this time, of course, the babies had been tucked in bed. The Deacon had taken them into the dining car and feasted them with all the inexhaustible luxuries for which these cars on the Michigan Central R. R. are so famous.

Then, the colored porter having made up their beds, they were soon fast asleep and dreaming of the treat in store for the morrow.

The Deacon, however, was determined at least that his grown-up friends should lose none of the beauties of the trip, and so he insisted that Mr. and Mrs. Trevellyan should remain up until they had crossed the famous Detroit River. The night was a beautiful one, and they were amply rewarded by witnessing one of the most thoroughly picturesque pieces of scenery in the world. The entire train was placed on one of the immense ferry steamers, and the landing shortly afterwards made at Windsor, a picturesque and quaint little town on the Canadian side of the river. At this point commences the Canada Southern Division of the Michigan Central Railroad, famous alike for the magnificence of its equipment and smoothness of track. Here our friends, so to speak, turned in, and it was only a few minutes before every one on board was fast asleep.

The next thing was the morning sun and Niagara Falls. The run had been made from Chicago in the remarkable time of fifteen hours. [Pg 63]

"Oh, how good of you, Deacon Fitney," said little Adele a short while later, as, standing on the platform at Falls View Station, she gazed with rapture at the Falls in all their splendor. "How good of you to bring us to such a nice place, and by such a delightful road."

And little Adele had reason to so express herself, for, standing where she was, at Falls View Station, she was able to command the most awe-inspiring and lovely view of the Falls to be obtained anywhere.

"I am glad you like it," said the Deacon, with a smile; "but you must not credit me with too much goodness, for I could hardly have brought you by any other way. The Michigan Central road is the only direct road running to the Falls, and you could hardly expect that I could take you there by any line which is not entirely the best."

Mr. and Mrs. Trevellyan heartily joined Adele in her expressions of thanks to the Deacon, and more than endorsed every word he had said in praise of the wonderful Michigan Central Limited Express.

The conductor then called "all aboard," and the train again started on its way, and very shortly crossed the Niagara River over the magnificent steel Cantilever bridge which the Michigan Central people have just erected at this point.

"This is the great Cantilever bridge you have heard so much about," said the Deacon to little May. "It is the greatest scientific engineering effort of the age, and it is well worth visiting Niagara, if only to see it. With Niagara Falls and the Cantilever bridge the Michigan Central people are able to show their passengers the greatest work of nature and of man to be found in the country."

From the bridge the train glided along to Niagara Falls station, on the American side. Here our little party alighted, and, after driving about the village, they soon found themselves in the comfortable parlors of the Clifton House, enjoying one of Mr. George Colburn's justly famous repasts.

Then they spent the day at the Falls—a day of merry sunshine and happiness. The Falls never looked grander, and nature never smiled with more sweetness. The time passed only too quickly, and when the children stepped on the cars once more to return to Chicago, it was with a twinge of regret which was only offset by [Pg 64] the knowledge that they had another delightful trip in store for them on the Michigan Central road.

Now Adele has the following time table hung up among her pictures on the wall in her bed room. She says it serves to remind her of one of the happiest days of her life. Above it, in a baby's handwriting, she has scrawled:

Train No. 10.—Fast New York Express,—Leaves Chicago every day at 4:30 P. M., and consists of one First-Class Smoking Car, one First-Class Day Coach, one Dining Car and Three Palace Sleeping Cars, running on the following time:

This train, leaving Chicago one hour later than heretofore, makes a much surer connection with Western lines. [Pg 65]

The Smoking Car, Day Coach and one Sleeping Car run through to Buffalo via M. C.; one Sleeping Car runs through to Toronto via M. C. and Credit Valley Railways; one Sleeping Car runs through to New York via M. C. and N. Y. C. The Dining Car serves dinner out of Chicago at 5 o'clock; train arrives in Buffalo in good season for breakfast.

This train has attached at Detroit a Through Sleeping Car from St. Louis to New York, via W., St. L. & P., M. C. and N. Y. C., that makes quicker through time than any other line; and also a Sleeping Car from Detroit to Syracuse that is placed in Detroit depot about 9 P. M. Passengers can enter their berths any time after that hour.

Connection with Pullman Car for New York and Philadelphia, via Erie, leaving Buffalo at 9:15 A. M., and also with Buffalo, New York and Philadelphia, leaving at 8:20 A. M.

Connects at Albany with through sleeper for Boston, via B. & A., leaving at 8:40 P. M.

Adele's advice is very excellent. She says the Michigan Central is the best road in the United States, and she knows what she is talking about.

And is prepared to build for Lease and on Contract for cash, or under the CAR TRUST SYSTEM, such Rolling Stock as may be required.

Furnishing Goods, Carpetings,
Curtain Materials,
Tapestries, Furniture Coverings,

The largest, most complete, and only Strictly First-Class Gentlemen's and Ladies' Oyster House west of New York City.

They would invite the special attention of Railroad Corporations, Manufacturers, Merchants, and Publishers to their Fine Illustrated Work, pronounced unequalled by the press of Europe and America.

Without exaggerating, and keeping close within the narrow limits of fact, it may be asserted without fear of truthful contradiction, that the

Is not only the best and most perfectly equipped railroad in the world, but it is also the most important as to the territory it traverses, the numerous business centres and pleasure resorts that it reaches, and the facilities it offers for pleasant, speedy, safe and comfortable transit for all classes of passengers. It caters alike to the needs, tastes and abilities of the millionaire merchant prince; to the farmer, with his plain and simple wants; and to the economical and necessitous; and gives to each the full value of all he pays for. Its luxuriantly finished and furnished palace sleeping cars and its more than luxurious drawing-room coaches are marvels of beauty and comfort. Its coaches are new and of the most perfect models that have been adopted by any company, and they are always kept sweet, clean and pure. Its dining cars are superb, and the meals and service provided in them are equal to that given by any first-class hotel in the country.

WHERE IS IT?

WHAT IS IT?

Starting from Chicago and having various main lines running west, northwest and north, it covers about all that is desirable in Northern Illinois, Iowa, Wisconsin, the Upper Michigan Peninsula, Minnesota and Central and Southeastern Dakota and Northeastern Nebraska.
It is eminently the railroad of the Northwest, and from its commanding location it controls the traffic of all of the territory it traverses.

Over 5,000 miles of the best built and best maintained railroad there is in the country. It is equal in every respect to any road in the world, and is believed to be better than any of its competitors. Its lines are built of heavy steel rail; its bridges are of steel, iron and stone, and all its appointments are as good as money can buy.

This Company's line between Chicago and Council Bluffs (Omaha) is shorter than any other between these points, and was the pioneer in forming connection with the Trans-Continental Union and Central Pacific Railroads. Nearly all experienced overland travelers seek this line, because it is known to be the best, shortest, most comfortable, and in every way the most desirable. To seek other more circuitous and inferior routes is accepted as an evidence of inexperience or want of information.

If you are destined to or from Colorado, Nebraska, Utah, Wyoming, Montana, Idaho, Nevada, California, Oregon, Washington Territory, China, Japan, the Sandwich Islands, New Zealand or Australia, you should, in making the trip between Chicago and Council Bluffs (Omaha), in either direction, see that your tickets read over this great road.

This road, "St. Paul Line," is the short and desirable route between Chicago and Madison, St. Paul and Minneapolis; Helena, Montana; Portland, Oregon, and points on the Northwest Pacific coast, and the best to travel over if you are destined to or from Chicago and any point north or northwest of St. Paul. Winona and Mankato, Minn.; Frankfort, Huron, Pierre, Aberdeen, Columbia and Watertown, Dakota; Milwaukee, Fond du Lac, Oshkosh, Watertown and Sheboygan, Wis.; Freeport, Elgin, Dixon and Fulton, Ill.; Clinton, Cedar Rapids, Des Moines, Webster City, Algona, Tama and Council Bluffs, Iowa, are a few of its hundreds of prominent local stations. It reaches most of the pleasant summer resorts of Wisconsin and Minnesota, and is the road to take for the health and scenic resorts of the Rocky Mountains, the National Yellowstone Park, and nearly all of the notable Western and Northwest resorts that are accessible by rail.

It connects in Union Depots with the Union Pacific Railway at Council Bluffs, and at St. Paul with the Northern Pacific St. Paul, Minneapolis & Manitoba, and with all roads diverging from that point.

You can procure tickets over this route from nearly every coupon ticket agent in the country. When buying your tickets read them carefully and be sure that at least one coupon reads over the Chicago & North-Western Ry. Ask your nearest coupon ticket agent for one of its large maps; they are FREE, and will show you all of this Company's lines as they are.

Its London (England) offices are 124 High Holborn, 449 Strand, 3 Adelaide street and 139 Cheapside. Its Manchester (England) office, 1 and 3 Princess street. Its Paris office, 35 Boulevard des Capucines. Its New York office, 409 Broadway. Its Boston office, 5 State street. Its Chicago offices, 60 and 62 Clark street, Palmer House, in Grand Pacific Hotel and at its Passenger Station on the corner Wells and Kinzie streets. Its St. Paul office, corner Third and Jackson streets. Its Minneapolis office, 13 Nicollet House. Its Council Bluffs offices are at the Transfer Depot, C. & N.-W. Ry. Depot on Broadway and at the corner of Broadway and Pearl streets. Its Omaha offices, 1324 Farnham, corner Fourteenth street, and at U. P. Depot. Its Denver office, 8 Windsor Hotel Block. Its San Francisco office, No. 2 New Montgomery street, in Palace Hotel. [Pg 74]

THESE DIALS CAN ALSO BE SUBSTITUTED FOR THOSE NOW IN USE AT A VERY SMALL EXPENSE.

Rates secured and Shipments made to all parts of the West and South. Contracts made for Yearly or other Supply. Mileage or Time Guarantee given. All Orders and Correspondence will receive prompt attention. References furnished.

Rates secured and Shipments made to all parts of the United States. Special attention given to Car and Engine Wheels for Railroad Use. Mileage Guaranteed. Contracts made for Yearly or other Supply. Correspondence solicited.

And Experienced Travelers will tell you it is the BEST Route "by a large majority."

Its equipment is first-class in every respect—such as perfect Road-Bed, Iron and Stone Bridges, Westinghouse Automatic Safety Brakes, Miller Platform Coupler and Buffer, Magnificent Parlor Coaches for Day Travel, Elegant Day Coaches, and the Palace Sleeping Coaches. Well, words are inadequate to express their Durability and Splendor. They are simply Superb. These Coaches are run daily, through, between Chicago, New York and Boston, without change.

And the traveling public should certainly appreciate this great advantage over all other lines, as transfers by ferries are very tedious and annoying to the traveler who is anxious to reach the objective point without delay. Further comments are unnecessary.

All Agents sell Tickets via this popular line, and when passengers ask for them over the "LAKE SHORE," they smile and say, "You are on the right track," and they know.

C. B. FOSTER, Western Passenger Agent, Chicago, Ill.
W. P. JOHNSON, Gen. Passenger Agent, Chicago, Ill.
P. P. WRIGHT, Gen. Superintendent, Cleveland, Ohio.

Passengers going to PHILADELPHIA, BALTIMORE and WASHINGTON will SAVE TRANSFERS by taking this Popular Route.

Tickets via New York, West Shore & Buffalo Railway are for sale at all Principal Ticket Offices throughout the country, and in Chicago at the following places, where Sleeping-car Berths can be secured: 103 South Clark Street, 47 Monroe Street, Palmer House, Grand Pacific Hotel, Grand Union Passenger Station, Polk Street, and at General Office, 75 South Clark Street.

A continual Panorama of Magnificent Scenery from the Lakes to the Seaboard. The Elegant Pullman Service via the

IF ON A BUSINESS TRIP, TAKE THE ERIE,
IF ON A PLEASURE TRIP, TAKE THE ERIE,
UNDER ALL CIRCUMSTANCES, TAKE THE ERIE,

And you will travel over a Railway unequalled in facilities for Comfort and Safety.

THIS LINE PENETRATES THE MOST PICTURESQUE PARTS
OF COLORADO, NEW MEXICO AND UTAH, AND
IS THE FAVORITE ROUTE FOR BUS-
INESS OR PLEASURE.

IN COLORADO the traveler beholds scenery excelling in variety, beauty and grandeur that of Switzerland. He traverses canons fifteen miles in length, with perpendicular walls more than half a mile in height. He crosses the Rocky Range at an elevation of over 11,000 feet, and from this lofty pass gazes upward 3,000 feet to the summits of the snow-crowded peaks. En route to the Pacific Coast he passes through innumerable places of interest, among which are the Royal Gorge, Grand Canon of the Arkansas, Poncho Pass, Marshall Pass, the valleys of the Uncompahgre, Gunnison and Grand, Black Canon, Castle Gate, Wasatch Summit and Salt Lake City.

IN NEW MEXICO he finds ruins more ancient than those of the Parthenon or Colosseum—the crumbling habitations of the pre-historic Cliff-Dwellers; he beholds the quaint architecture of the Spanish-Mexicans or the pueblos of the descendants of the Montezumas.

IN UTAH he can bathe in the Great Salt Lake, and inspect the wonders of the City of the Saints.

Passing through Colorado Springs, Pueblo, Salida, Gunnison, Grand Junction and Salt Lake City.

Fly Nets, Picker Leather, Whips, Washers, Hame Straps, Hame Strings, and Halters, and other Rawhide Goods of all kinds, by Krueger's Patent.

The Only Hotel Fronting on the beautiful Lake and Park. Five Minutes from all Railroad Depots, Places of Business and Amusement.

The Chicago and Atlantic Railway runs solid Pullman trains, the finest ever built, daily between Chicago and New York, etc., by way of the Erie Railway, and through its valuable connections reaches every important point in the entire country. The construction and equipment of the road are of the most perfect description, all that modern skill can compass having been called into requisition to ensure safety, comfort, speed and reliable connections, without having to change cars. This popular line, being almost literally straight, forms the shortest, quickest and most direct route to Lake Chautauqua, the highest navigated water on the globe. In equipment the Chicago and Atlantic Railway is excelled by none and equaled by few roads in the world. Their superb sleeping, drawing-room and thoroughfare coaches are simply models of elegance and comfort and are lighted with the brilliant Pintsch gaslight. Clean bedding, thick hair mattresses, thorough ventilation and absolute safety, with polite conductors and porters accompanying each car to provide for the wants of passengers, are valuable facts not to be overlooked. Each train has its smoking cars, which among other novelties contain a buffet, where the traveler may lunch at his leisure. Indeed, the company have provided every luxury, convenience and solid comfort for the traveling public, hence their road is liberally patronized.

Between CHICAGO and KANSAS CITY, CHICAGO and ST. LOUIS, and ST. LOUIS and KANSAS CITY.
Meals, equal to those served in any first-class hotel, only 75 cents.

Free of Extra Charge, in all its Through Trains, Day and Night, Without Change, to accommodate all its patrons.

CHICAGO, TO AND FROM MEMPHIS, MOBILE, NEW ORLEANS AND ALL POINTS SOUTH VIA ST. LOUIS.

MISSOURI, ARKANSAS, TEXAS, KANSAS, COLORADO, NEW MEXICO, MEXICO, ARIZONA, NEBRASKA, CALIFORNIA, OREGON, WASHINGTON TERRITORY, Etc.

KANSAS LANDS, AND COLORADO, NEW MEXICO AND CALIFORNIA HEALTH AND PLEASURE RESORTS AND THE MINING DISTRICTS OF THE GREAT WEST.

For Tickets and Information apply at any Coupon Ticket Office in the United States and Canada, or to

JAMES CHARLTON, General Passenger and Ticket Agent, 210 Dearborn street, near corner Adams street, Chicago.
J. C. McMULLIN, Vice-President, Chicago. C. H. CHAPPEL, General Manager, Chicago.

No. I. is the ALBUQUERQUE SHORT LINE, which carries Pullman Palace Sleeping Cars from Kansas City to San Francisco without change. The tourist by this line may visit en route the famous Hot Springs at Las Vegas, the ancient City of Santa Fe, the older Pueblo of the Zunis, the uninhabited abodes of the Cliff-Dwellers, the petrified forests, that most wonderful of all nature's works,

No. II. is the old and popular Southern Route, over the Atchison, Topeka & Santa Fe and Southern Pacific Railroads, by way of Deming and Los Angeles, a favorite route to Southern California.

No. III. is the Northern Route, over the Atchison, Topeka & Santa Fe, Denver & Rio Grande and Central Pacific Railroads. On this route through passengers are given side trips to Denver and Leadville free of charge for transportation, so that these two mountain cities are placed, with Salt Lake City, on the trans-continental line of travel.

The CHIHUAHUA ROUTE is the Atchison, Topeka & Santa Fe to El Paso and the Mexican Central to the interior of Mexico. This line will be opened early in the spring through to the City of Mexico.

The GUAYMAS ROUTE extends from Kansas City to Guaymas, on the Gulf of California, in the Republic of Mexico.

*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A PARODY ON IOLANTHE ***

Updated editions will replace the previous one—the old editions will be renamed.

Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to copying and distributing Project Gutenberg™ electronic works to protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG™ concept and trademark. Project Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you charge for an eBook, except by following the terms of the trademark license, including paying royalties for use of the Project Gutenberg trademark. If you do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the trademark license is very easy. You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and research. Project Gutenberg eBooks may be modified and printed and given away—you may do practically ANYTHING in the United States with eBooks not protected by U.S. copyright law. Redistribution is subject to the trademark license, especially commercial redistribution.

START: FULL LICENSE

PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK

To protect the Project Gutenberg™ mission of promoting the free distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work (or any other work associated in any way with the phrase “Project Gutenberg”), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project Gutenberg™ License available with this file or online at www.gutenberg.org/license.

Section 1. General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg™ electronic works

1.A. By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg™ electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property (trademark/copyright) agreement. If you do not agree to abide by all the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy all copies of Project Gutenberg™ electronic works in your possession. If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project Gutenberg™ electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8.

1.B. “Project Gutenberg” is a registered trademark. It may only be used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement. There are a few things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg™ electronic works even without complying with the full terms of this agreement. See paragraph 1.C below. There are a lot of things you can do with Project Gutenberg™ electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg™ electronic works. See paragraph 1.E below.

1.C. The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation (“the Foundation” or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project Gutenberg™ electronic works. Nearly all the individual works in the collection are in the public domain in the United States. If an individual work is unprotected by copyright law in the United States and you are located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg are removed. Of course, we hope that you will support the Project Gutenberg™ mission of promoting free access to electronic works by freely sharing Project Gutenberg™ works in compliance with the terms of this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg™ name associated with the work. You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project Gutenberg™ License when you share it without charge with others.

1.D. The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern what you can do with this work. Copyright laws in most countries are in a constant state of change. If you are outside the United States, check the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project Gutenberg™ work. The Foundation makes no representations concerning the copyright status of any work in any country other than the United States.

1.E. Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg:

1.E.1. The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate access to, the full Project Gutenberg™ License must appear prominently whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg™ work (any work on which the phrase “Project Gutenberg” appears, or with which the phrase “Project Gutenberg” is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed, copied or distributed:

This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this eBook.

1.E.2. If an individual Project Gutenberg™ electronic work is derived from texts not protected by U.S. copyright law (does not contain a notice indicating that it is posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees or charges. If you are redistributing or providing access to a work with the phrase “Project Gutenberg” associated with or appearing on the work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the Project Gutenberg™ trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or 1.E.9.

1.E.3. If an individual Project Gutenberg™ electronic work is posted with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional terms imposed by the copyright holder. Additional terms will be linked to the Project Gutenberg™ License for all works posted with the permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work.

1.E.4. Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg™ License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg™.

1.E.5. Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project Gutenberg™ License.

1.E.6. You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary, compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any word processing or hypertext form. However, if you provide access to or distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg™ work in a format other than “Plain Vanilla ASCII” or other format used in the official version posted on the official Project Gutenberg™ website (www.gutenberg.org), you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon request, of the work in its original “Plain Vanilla ASCII” or other form. Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg™ License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1.

1.E.7. Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying, performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg™ works unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9.

1.E.8. You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing access to or distributing Project Gutenberg™ electronic works provided that:

• You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from the use of Project Gutenberg™ works calculated using the method you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. The fee is owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg™ trademark, but he has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation. Royalty payments must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax returns. Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the address specified in Section 4, “Information about donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation.”
• You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg™ License. You must require such a user to return or destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of Project Gutenberg™ works.
• You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days of receipt of the work.
• You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free distribution of Project Gutenberg™ works.

1.E.9. If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg™ electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the manager of the Project Gutenberg™ trademark. Contact the Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below.

1.F.

1.F.1. Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread works not protected by U.S. copyright law in creating the Project Gutenberg™ collection. Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg™ electronic works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain “Defects,” such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by your equipment.

1.F.2. LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the “Right of Replacement or Refund” described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project Gutenberg™ trademark, and any other party distributing a Project Gutenberg™ electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal fees. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH 1.F.3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGE.

1.F.3. LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a written explanation to the person you received the work from. If you received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with your written explanation. The person or entity that provided you with the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a refund. If you received the work electronically, the person or entity providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund. If the second copy is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further opportunities to fix the problem.

1.F.4. Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you ‘AS-IS’, WITH NO OTHER WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE.

1.F.5. Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages. If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by the applicable state law. The invalidity or unenforceability of any provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions.

1.F.6. INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone providing copies of Project Gutenberg™ electronic works in accordance with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production, promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg™ electronic works, harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees, that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg™ work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any Project Gutenberg™ work, and (c) any Defect you cause.

Section 2. Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg™

Project Gutenberg™ is synonymous with the free distribution of electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers. It exists because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from people in all walks of life.

Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the assistance they need are critical to reaching Project Gutenberg™’s goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg™ collection will remain freely available for generations to come. In 2001, the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure and permanent future for Project Gutenberg™ and future generations. To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4 and the Foundation information page at www.gutenberg.org.

Section 3. Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation

The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non-profit 501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal Revenue Service. The Foundation’s EIN or federal tax identification number is 64-6221541. Contributions to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state’s laws.

The Foundation’s business office is located at 809 North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887. Email contact links and up to date contact information can be found at the Foundation’s website and official page at www.gutenberg.org/contact

Section 4. Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation

Project Gutenberg™ depends upon and cannot survive without widespread public support and donations to carry out its mission of increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be freely distributed in machine-readable form accessible by the widest array of equipment including outdated equipment. Many small donations ($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt status with the IRS.

The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United States. Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up with these requirements. We do not solicit donations in locations where we have not received written confirmation of compliance. To SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any particular state visit www.gutenberg.org/donate.

While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who approach us with offers to donate.

International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from outside the United States. U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff.

Please check the Project Gutenberg web pages for current donation methods and addresses. Donations are accepted in a number of other ways including checks, online payments and credit card donations. To donate, please visit: www.gutenberg.org/donate.

Section 5. General Information About Project Gutenberg™ electronic works

Professor Michael S. Hart was the originator of the Project Gutenberg™ concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared with anyone. For forty years, he produced and distributed Project Gutenberg™ eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support.

Project Gutenberg™ eBooks are often created from several printed editions, all of which are confirmed as not protected by copyright in the U.S. unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we do not necessarily keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition.

Most people start at our website which has the main PG search facility: www.gutenberg.org.

This website includes information about Project Gutenberg™, including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks.

D. L. WELLS, Pres't.	E. MARINER, Vice Pres't.
H. L. NORTON, Sec'y and Treas.	F. E. WALKER, Engineer.
C. F. SCOVILLE, Manager.

Coupon and Local Ticket Cases.	Dating Stamps, Rubber Stamps,
Conductors' Punches, Car Seal Punches,	L, B C, 2 C and 1/2 Punches.

GOODYEAR I. R. GLOVE CO.	BOSTON BELTING CO.	BOSTON WOVEN HOSE CO.
JAS. DAVIS & CO.

OFFICERS:	{	J. H. BAKER, President.	CHAS. A. BRUNER, Secretary.
	{	C. R. DOLLARHIDE, Gen'l Agent.	G. H. UNVERZAGT, Gen'l Man. and Treas.

Lead Pipe.	Solder.
Sheet Lead.	Antimony.
Bar Lead.	Spelter.
Block Tin Pipe.	Block Tin.
LINSEED OIL.

1.	Literature, Book Reviews, Essays, Poems, Stories, Sketches.
2.	Social Reports and Gossip, Fashion Articles, and Discussions of Home Topics.
3.	Musical and Dramatic News, Criticism and Correspondence.
4.	Correspondence from the principal Eastern and European cities.
5.	Watering Place Reports and Notes of Travel.
6.	Amateur Rowing, Yachting and Athletic Reports in their season.
7.	Editorial Discussions of Noteworthy Events and Important Topics, Observations and Scientific Papers.

Lyman B. Glover. John M. Dandy. E. R. Paige.
	Address THE SATURDAY EVENING HERALD CO.,
	CHICAGO.

	Room 19, Commercial Bank Building, COR. DEARBORN AND MONROE STS. GEO. M. SARGENT, Sec'y. WORKS, Cor. 59th and Wallace Sts. WM. D. ROWLEY, Manager. Record of Test on Chair Car 102, Chicago & Alton R. R. Co.
	"The wear of your four Congdon Shoes on a mileage of 7,824 miles was 15 pounds. Four common shoes show wear of 51 pounds." The above shows a saving of over 70 per cent. in favor of Congdon Shoes, or, number of miles run to each pound of Congdon Shoe worn off, 521.6, and number of miles run to each pound of common worn off, 153.4.

Leaves	Chicago	4:15	PM	Sun.	Mon.	Tues.	Wed.	Thurs.	Fri.	Sat.
"	Jackson	9:57	PM	"	"	"	"	"	"	"
Arrives	Detroit	12:05	AM	Mon.	Tues.	Wed.	Thurs.	Fri.	Sat.	Sun.
"	St. Thomas	3:25	"	"	"	"	"	"	"	"
"	Toronto, via CVRy	9:40	"	"	"	"	"	"	"	*
"	Niagara Falls	6:55	"	"	"	"	"	"	"	"
"	Buffalo	7:50	"	"	"	"	"	"	"	"
"	Rochester, via NYC	11:10	"	"	"	"	"	"	"	"
"	Syracuse, via NYC	1:30	PM	"	"	"	"	"	"	"
"	Utica, via NYC	3:12	"	"	"	"	"	"	"	"
"	Albany, via NYC	5:50	"	"	"	"	"	"	"	"
"	Troy, via NYC	6:55	"	"	"	"	"	"	"	"
"	New York, via NYC	10:00	"	"	"	"	"	"	"	"
"	Hornellsville,via Erie	12:00	"	"	"	"	"	"	"	"
"	Elmira, via Erie	1:40	"	"	"	"	"	"	"	"
"	Binghamton, via Erie	3:19	"	"	"	"	"	"	"	"
"	New York, via Erie	10:25	"	"	"	"	"	"	"	"
"	Philadelphia, via LV	10:30	"	"	"	"	"	"	"	*
"	Boston, via B & A	6:25	AM	Teus.	Wed.	Thur.	Fri.	Sat.	Sun.	!


Office Regulators,		Nickel Novelties,
RAILROAD		MANTEL
TIME KEEPERS,		CLOCKS,
STREET AND		BRONZE
TOWN CLOCKS		Ornaments

HEGEWISCH, ILL.		Capacity, Twenty Cars per Day.
URBAN, OHIO.		Capacity, Ten Cars per Day.
—	.	—
General Offices,		- - - 35 Broadway, New York.
Chicago Offices,		Calumet Building, 189 La Salle Street.
—	.	—
A. HEGEWISCH, President,	\|	C. BENN, Treasurer,
THOS. F. B. PARKER, Secretary,	\|	W. H. CHADDOCK, General Agent,
J. H. HOCART, Ass't Treasurer,	\|	J. C. FORTINER, Sup't of Acc'ts,
NEW YORK.		CHICAGO.

WHOLESALE,		RETAIL,
Madison and Market Sts.		State and Washington Sts.
CHICAGO.

	Hotel and Dining Car
	SERVICE.
	ILLUSTRATED CATALOGUES AND PRICE LISTS Mailed on application.

No. 771. PEPPER. Hammered and Applied. $3.00.		No. 789. Pepper. Made in Silver, Old Silver and Gold Finish.
No. 771. PEPPER. Hammered and Applied. $3.00.		Silver Old Silver Gilt	$2.00 2.50 2.50

Factories: MERIDEN, CONN.		New York Office: 30 EAST 14th STREET.
	No. 1676. CAKE BASKET. $21.00. Decorations in Natural Colors. Example of High Art Work in Electroplate.

A. BELFORD (of Belford, Clarke & Co.), President. C. SLEMIN, Jr. (of Belford, Clarke & Co.), Sec. and Treas. M. A. DONOHUE (of Donohue & Henneberry).	R. NEVERS, Jr.,
	Superintendent.

NEW YORK,	BOSTON,	CHICAGO,
3 Cliff Street.	127 Oliver Street.	210 Lake Street.

C. C. HUSSEY,	Penn Avenue	JAMES W. BROWN,
Chairman.	and 17th Street.	Sec'y and Treas'r.

Low Pressure Steam Warming And Ventilating APPARATUS. Simplified and adapted to warming DWELLINGS, CHURCHES, BANKS and PUBLIC BUILDINGS.		BAKER'S PATENT Hot Water CAR WARMER. Adopted by nearly all Railroads as the STANDARD HEATER.
———		———
Send for descriptive pamphlet.		Prices Greatly Reduced.

D.C. DODGE, General Manager,	F.C. NIMS, Gen. Pass. and Ticket Agent,
DENVER, COLORADO

———		———
We prepare Advertisements, and contract to insert them in any number of newspapers desired. Our facilities in our line are unequaled.		The large amount of business we control enables us to secure from the Best Mediums the Lowest Rates obtainable, for the benefit of our patrons.
———		———

	It is only by using the best of Belting, i.e., such as will wear longest, slip least, transmit the greatest amount of power and work with the greatest steadiness, that machinery can be utilized to its full capacity, and can be relied on as to durability. The belt that will transmit the most power with least strain on the machinery is the cheapest and the best. Such are the goods manufactured and sold on guarantee by this Company, and used by the Chicago & Alton Railway and other railroads.
A. B. SPURLING, President.	W. H. PREBLE, Secretary and Treasurer.	A. C. KRUEGER, Superintendent.

Bonds, Certificates,
Drafts, Checks,
Merchants' Stationery,	C. C. CHENEY, President.
Bankers' Supplies.	C. A. CHAPMAN, Treasurer.

ENGRAVERS,	ELECTROTYPERS
— PRINTERS —
LITHOGRAPHERS,	BOOK BINDERS

J. C. WILLIAMS, Gen'l Superintendent,		S. W. SNOW, Gen'l Passenger Agent,
	— CHICAGO. —

CHICAGO	CHICAGO	ST. LOUIS
—AND—	—AND—	—AND—
KANSAS CITY.	ST. LOUIS.	KANSAS CITY.

The Project Gutenberg eBook of A Parody on Iolanthe

A Parody on Iolanthe

ACT II.

THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE